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J ROGUES 
^ COMEDY 

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^3f HENRY % 
/ ARTHUR 1 

\m JONES A 






Library of Congress. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



Chap. 



OrtP^ '' 



'15 

Shelf 7.£f| 8 



THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 



f^y^ 



(150 copies only of this edition were printed 
November, 1808) 



THE 

ROGUE'S COMEDY 

A PLAY IN THREE ACTS 



BY 

HENRY ARTHUR JONES 

AUTHOR OF 

THE TEMPTER,' 'THE CRUSADERS,' 'THE CASE OF REBELLIOUS SUSAN, 

'the MASQUERADERS,' 'JUDAH,' 'the MIDDLEMAN,' ' THE 

TRIUMPH OF THE PHILISTINES,' THE DANCING GIRL,' 

' MICHAEL AND HIS LOST ANGEL,' 'THE PHYSICIAN,' 

'the LIARS,' 'the goal,' 'tHE MANOEUVRES 

OF. JANE,' ETC. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd. 

1898 

All rights reserved 









o-o 



Copyright, 1898 
By the MACMILLAN COMPANY 



sfHownt VXnnsnnt Trfnters 

J. Horace McFarland Company 
Harrisburg, Pa. 



Produced by Mr. E. S. Willard at the Garrick Theatre, 

London, on 21st April, 1896. 



PERSONS REPRESENTED 

Mr. Bailey Prothero. 

Mr. Lambert. 

Sir Thomas Dovergreen. 

Lord John Bucklow. 

The Marquis of Bicester. 

Sir William Clarabut. 

Mr. Robert Gushing. 

Mr. Reffell. 

Mr. Sydenham. 

Mr. Hubbock. 

Mr. Chester. 

Mr. Pinniger. 

Palmer. 

First Footman. 

Second Footman. 

Servant at Lady Dovergreen's. 

Miss Jenison, Companion to Lady Dovergreen. 

Lady Clarabut. 

Nina Clarabut. 

Lady Dovergreen. 

Mrs. Reffell. 

Miss Prove. 

Mrs. Sydenham. 



Guests. 
(v) 



ACT I 

Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's. 

( Three months pass. ) 

ACT II 

Mr. Bailey Prothero's Chambers, Audley Man- 
sions, Mount Street, Grosvenor Square. 

{Si:x: months pass.) 

ACT III 
Reception-Rooms at 56 Park Lane. 

The whole of the action of the play takes place in 
London at the present time. 



(vii) 



The following is a copy of the first play-bill of 
''The Rogue's Comedy.'' 

Garrick Theatre. Season under the manage- 
ment of Mr. E. S. Willard. On Tuesday, 21st April, 
and every evening at 8, 

THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 

A PLAY, IN THREE ACTS 

By HENRY ARTHUR JONES 

Author of ' The Tempter,'' ' The Crusaders,' • The Case of Rebellious 

Susan,' ' The Masqueraders,' ^ yiidah,' ' The Middleman,'' ' The 

Triumph of the Philistines,' ' The Dancing Girl,' 'Michael 

and his Lost Angel,' etc. 



PERSONS REPRESENTED. 

Mr. Bailey Prothero Mr. Willard. 

Miss Jenison (Companion to 

Lady Dovergreen ) Miss Olliffe. 

Mr. Lambert Mr. W. T. Lovell. 

Sir William Clarabut .... Mr. Cecil Crofton. 

Lady Clarabut (Lady Dover- 
green's Sister) Lady Monckton. 

Nina Clarabut Miss Cora Poole. 

Lady Dovergreen Miss Robertha Erskine. 

Sir Thomas Dovergreen (her 
Son) Mr. Sydney Brough. 

Lord John Bucklow Mr. David James. 

The Marquis of Bicester. . . Mr. George Canninge. 

Mr. Sydenham Mr. J. R. Crauford. 

Mrs. Sydenham Mrs. H. Cane. 

Mr. Reffell Mr. A. B. Tapping. 

Mrs. Reffell Miss Keith Wakeman. 

(viii) 



THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 

Miss Prove Miss Ellen Meyrick. 

Mr. HuBBOCK Mr. George Willoughby, 

Mr. Chester Mr. Webber. 

Mr. Pinniger Mr. W. Levy. 

Mr. Robert Gushing Mr. Herbert Standing. 

Palmer Mr. Hamilton Knight. 

First Footman Mr. Albert Sims. 

Second Footman Mr. L. Wenman. 

Servant at Lady Dover- 
green's Mr. G. James. 

Gtiests. 



ACT I 
Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's 

( Three months pass.) 

ACT II 

Mr. Bailey Prothero's Chambers, Audley Man- 
sions, Mount Street, Grosvenor Square. 

{Six months pass.) 

ACT III 
Reception-Rooms at 56 Park Lane. 



The whole of the action of the play takes place in 
London at the present day. 



There will be intervals of twelve minutes between Acts I. and II. 
and fifteen minutes between Acts II. and III. 



Matinee of "The Rogue's Comedy," Saturday next at 2.30. 
(ix) 



ACT I 

Scene — Boudoir at Lady Dovergreen's, a hand- 
somely furnished room in a house at Kensing- 
ton. 

A large door, l., stajids open, and shows large 
drawi/ig-room ; small door down stage, r. , open- 
ing into Lady Dovergreen's apartments. 

Discover Lady Dovergreen, a comfortable, gouty 
old lady, with feet laid up on couch and propped 
with pillows ; Lady Clarabut, her sister, a 
bright lady about fifty ; Mrs. Sydenham. A 
servant handing around coffee. 

Lady D. I don't profess to understand how 
Mr. Prothero does it — I only know the first time 
I saw him he told me everything that had hap- 
pened in my past life. 

Lady C. I wonder, Caroline, that you per- 
mitted it. And I wonder you permit Tommy to 
make a friend of the man and bring him here to 
dinner. 



2 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Lady D. But he has given Tommy what is 
called a tip about a gold mine, and Tommy has 
made five hundred pounds. 

Lady C. A sprat to catch a mackerel. De- 
pend upon it, he'll lose five thousand before this 
Mr. Bailey Prothero has done with him ! 

Lady D. Oh, no ; Tommy is really a very 
sharp, clever boy. 

Lady C. I had never suspected it. Tommy 
gave me a tip at Newmarket, and another last 
winter at Monte Carlo. 

Lady D. Well? What happened? 

Lady C. I became convinced of the pro- 
found immorality of racing and all kinds of 
gambling. And I very much lowered my opin- 
ion of Tommy's judgment, and my own. 

Lady D. You don't understand Tommy's 
character. 

Lady C. No, it always takes a mother to 
understand a boy's character. But Sir William 
is his trustee, and we understand enough to 
know that if we let this Mr. Bailey Prothero get 
hold of Tommy's money, we shall be blamed for 
not stopping the intimacy. 

(Miss Jenison appeals at drawing-room 
door ; a striking woman of an uncertain 
age, pale face, keen searching eyes, soft, 
agreeable manner. She listens intently, 
but furtively, to the coftversation.^ 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 3 

Lady C. (Jo Mrs. Sydenham). Don't you 
think I'm right, Mrs. Sydenham ? 

Mrs. Syd. I must own Mr. Prothero thor- 
oughly astonished me when I gave him a sitting 
at his rooms in Bond street the other day. 

Lady C. How ? 

Mrs. Syd. He told me all the particulars of 
my family history. How unhappy I am in my 
married life — how constantly my husband 
neglects and misunderstands me, and about the 
death of my favourite poodle six years ago. He 
was so sympathetic. 

Lady C. How much did he charge ? 

Mrs. Syd. His usual fee — a guinea. 

Lady C. Why didn't you come to me ? I'd 
have told it you all for nothing, and been equally 
sympathetic — especially about the poodle. 
What do you think of this Bailey Prothero 
craze, Miss Jenison ? 

Miss J. Sometimes I think like you, Lady 
Clarabut, that the man must have some clever 
confederates, who furnish him with particulars. 

Lady D. Confederates? Who? 

Miss J. Ah, that's it. But then again, that's 



impossible 

Lady C. Why ? 

Miss J. He knew, or seemed to know, so 
much of my past life. 

Lady C. What in particular? 



4 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Miss J. Amongst other things, how I met 
Lady Dovergreen at the hotel in Brighton last 
year, how Mrs. Murchison, my previous em- 
ployer, had just gone to California, how Lady 
Dovergreen was taken ill, and how I looked after 
her and became her companion. And about the 
delay in my references from California. He 
knew the whole story, and yet — altogether I'm 
a little inclined to suspect him, aren't you ? 

Lady C. Very much ! 

Lady D. My dear Margaret, why ? Mr. 
Prothero not only knows all about the past, but 
he can actually foretell the future. What do 
you say to that ? 

Lady C. I should say he'll come to grief — 
like Old Moore and Zadkiel. The past is such 
safe ground. If you love him, beg him to stick 
to the past. So many prophets have lost their 
reputations by dabbling in the future. 

E?iterj L., Mrs. Reffell, a fashionably -dressed 
wo7nan about thirty, Miss Prove, a maiden lady 
about forty-five, and Nina Clarabut, about 
twenty. 

Mrs. Reff. Still talking of this wonderful 
man ? 

Lady C. Have you consulted him yet ? 
Miss P. No, but we wish to. I was once 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 5 

placed in a fearfully compromising situation 
with regard to a very illustrious personage — a 
German prince, in fact. Now if Mr. Prothero 
knows anything about that 

Mrs. Reff. I should like to know where 
my husband dined the two nights last week he 
didn't dine at home. 

Lady C. At his club, my dear. 

Mrs. Reff. Yes, that's what he said. But 
I shall ask Mr. Prothero. 

Lady C. Depend upon it, my dear, your 
husband knows far better where he dined than 
Mr. Prothero. I should take my husband's 
word for it. 

Miss J. {to Miss Prove). How very em- 
barrassing that affair of yours with the prince ! 

Miss P. Oh, it was too dreadful ! 

Miss J. You did begin to tell me about 
it {They talk apart.) 

Lady D. And what would you like Mr. 
Prothero to tell you, Nina ? 

Nina. Nothing. Mr. Lambert doesn't be- 
lieve in him. 

Lady C. Caroline, you have this Mr. Lam- 
bert here again this evening ? 

Lady D. Yes ; he's an agreeable young fel- 
low, and we are much indebted to him. 

Lady C. Over your lawsuit. What do you 
know of him ? 



6 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Lady D. Nothing except that he was en- 
gaged as junior in our case. Sir Edward 
Skennelsby was suddenly taken ill, and Mr. 
Lambert got a verdict for us and big damages. 
Sir Edward says he's the most surprising 
youngster he ever met. 

Lady C. Yes, but who is he ? Where does 
he come from ? 

Lady D. Ask Miss Jenison. I believe it 
was she who got Sir Edward to take an inter- 
est in him. 

Miss J. I know very little about him. He 
was brought up by his aunt, an old school- 
friend of mine. 

Nina. Sir Edward says he's certain to take 
a very fine position some day. 

Lady C. Oh, I'm sure he'll reach the wool- 
sack. But meantime I should like to know a 
little more about him. 

Nina. Mamma, he's coming. 

Enter, l., George Lambert, a handsome young 
fellow, followed by Sir William Clarabut, 
a co7?ifortable-looki7ig man of sixty. 

Sir W. Upon my word it's really wonder- 
ful 

George. So is the three-card trick, till you 
know how it's done. Then, there's nothing in it. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 7 

Sir W. But I say, Caroline {to Lady Dover- 
green), he's not exactly the sort of man one 
asks to dinner, is he? 

Lady D. It was Tommy who asked him ; 
in fact, insisted upon bringing him. 

{A burst of laughter from drawing-room.^ 

Lady C. What is he doing now ? 

George. Describing to Lord Johnny all 
the most scandalous details of his past 
life. 

Sir W. Johnny is delighted to find himself 
a far greater dawg than he remembered. 

Lady C. I cannot hope that my experiences 
will prove so interesting or so varied as Lord 
Johnny's, so I shall have to be satisfied if 
Mr. Prothero will furnish me with a few quite 
commonplace details of my past history — such 
as 

Lady D. Such as what ? 

Lady C. Will you close the door for a 
moment, Miss Jenison ? 

(Miss Jenison closes door.) 

Lady C. Well, let him tell me the name 
of the man I first danced with 

Miss P. Who was he? 

Lady C. Captain Capenhurst, at Edin- 
burgh. Secondly, the age and the place at 
which I had the measles. 

Mrs. Reff. When was that ? 



8 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Lady C. At Cheltenham, when I was seven. 
Thirdly, what was I doing at ten o'clock last 
Saturday evening. 

Miss P. What were you doing at ten 
o'clock last Saturday evening? 

Lady C. I really forget. Oh, yes ! I had 
a cold and went early to bed, and at ten I was 
sipping a little hot whiskey and water. 

(A chorus of bravos from the next room. ) 
Lady D. Shall we join them in the next 
room? {Moving.) 

Miss J. Let me take your cushions in, 
Lady Dovergreen (^taking up cushions and assist- 
ing Lady Dovergreen), and make you com- 
fortable ; then, if you don't mind, I'll go and 
see that your room is ready for the night. 

(^Exeunt Sir William, Lady Clarabut, 
Mrs. Sydenham, Miss Prove, and 
Mrs. Reffell into the other drawing- 
room.) 
Lady D. Won't you wait and see how 
Mr. Prothero succeeds ? 

Miss J. I've a headache, and I really take 
very little interest in the man. I'm afraid — 
I'm afraid he's a little bit of a rascal. 

(^Exeunt Lady D. and Miss Jenison, l.) 
Nina. Aren't you coming into the drawing- 
room, Mr. Lambert ? 

George. To watch this mountebank ? I've 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 9 

already heard one poor begger sentenced to 
seven years for swindling 

Nina. Aren't you a little hard? 

George. On swindlers ? I'm afraid I am. 
But I hope you don't think there is no tender- 
ness or romance in my nature? 

Nina. Lawyers aren't very romantic, are 
they? 

George. They are like other people, like 
clergymen, like butchers : their natures are 
quite independent of their profession. It's 
curious how little a man's creed, or his trade, 
alters either his character, or his nature, or his 
features. The other day I saw a grocer at his 
shop door — his face was exactly like the late 
Lord Chancellor's. 

Nina. What will your face be like when 
you are Lord Chancellor ? 

George. Miss Clarabut, 3^ou mustn't start 
me dreaming ; I have no fortune, no influence, 
no name. I'm not likely to be Lord Chan- 
cellor. But I may possibly be a fairly suc- 
cessful lawyer. My only dread is that success 
may come too late. 

Nina. Too late for what? 

George. Too late to give me the prize I 
am dreaming of. 

Nina. I don't understand you. 

George. I think you do, but it's right you 



10 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

should say you don't. There is one very great 
prize that I dream of, and long to possess. If 
you were to tell me there is absolutely no hope 
of my winning that prize 

Nina. What then? 

George. I should go down to the courts 
to-morrow morning with a pound of lead here 
instead of a heart. 

Nina. Then you'd lose your case. 

George. I hope not. I should pluck up, 
and fight hard, and try to face my life. 

Nina. Mr. Lambert, I mustn't encourage 
you in dreaming, because its a very foolish 
habit for a lawyer. But if 

George. If what? If you could give me 
that prize as easily as you could give me that 
flower, would you ? 

Nina. Certainly not. 

{^Throws the flower at him.) 

Lady Clarabut ejiters, l., to see her action. 

George. Miss Clarabut ! 

{Picks up the flower i sees Lady Clarabut, 
stands embarrassed.) 
Lady C. Nina, this Mr. Prothero is doing 
some wonderful things in the next room. I'd 
think you'd be interested. 

Nina. Yes, mamma. {Exit, l.) 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 11 

Lady C. My daughter dropped that flower, 
did she not ? It was kind of you to pick it up. 
Will you give it to me ? {He gives her the 
flower.^ Thank you. 

George. I beg your pardon, Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. What for ? 

George. I was betrayed into — into seeking 
a kind of understanding with Miss Clarabut. 

Lady C. That wasn't quite nice of you, Mr. 
Lambert, was it ? 

George. I know. I ought to have asked 
you and Sir William first. 

Lady C. It would have been quite useless. 

George. Quite useless. Lady Clarabut ? 

Lady C. Quite. You are a very promising 
young man, but it might be many years before 
you could give my daughter the position and 
income she has a right to look for. I don't 
wish Nina to marry a great fortune, but she 
must have a comfortable certainty. 

George. But I could offer her that in a few 
years. I would work so hard ! Lady Clarabut, 
I love her so much, and I think she cares for 
me. You wouldn't stand in the way of her life's 
happiness ? 

Lady C. How earnest you are ! Oh, what 
a tragedy love is at twenty-five ! What a farce 
at fifty ! What's your income this year ? 

George. This year, five hundred pounds. 



12 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

But give me a hope of winning her, and in 
three or four years it shall be five thousand. 

Lady C. {laughs good-htwwuredly). Oh, my 
dear Mr. Lambert ! 

George. What are you laughing at ? 

Lady C. You are so amusing ! I had one 
lover who threatened to shoot himself if I 
didn't marry him. I had another who had 
delirium tremens, and laid it all to the intoxi- 
cation of my eyes. But I never, no I never, 
had the luck to meet a man who was prepared 
to raise his income ten times over, and lay it 
all at my feet. Oh, if I had met that man ! 

George {gallantly^. You would if I'd been 
born twenty years earlier ! But as that is im- 
possible, you oughtn't to deny me the next best 
thing, that of laying my heart and income at 
the feet of your daughter. 

Lady C. {struck). Sir Edward Skennelsby 
is right. You'll make a successful pleader. 
But there is another point. You'll forgive my 
asking — I don't know your people 

George. I've never seen my father and 
mother to my recollection. My aunt brought 
me up and educated me. 

Lady C. But you surely asked about your 
father and mother ? 

George. Yes, many times, but she never 
would tell me. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 13 

Lady C. That's very strange. What reason 
could she have for withholding information 
about your parents ? 

George. Lady Clarabut, I'll tell you the 
truth. She did not tell me because there was 
something very painful connected with them. 

Lady C. Of what nature ? 

George. I don't know. Sometimes she 
used the word painful — sometimes disgrace- 
ful. 

Lady C. My poor fellow — this is a worse 
difficulty than the other. You must see I 
couldn't allow Nina to marry you after what 
you have told me. How can one tell that 
something may not turn up at any moment 
and connect you with — forgive my using the 
word — with something disgraceful? 

George. Then it's quite hopeless ? 

Lady C. Quite. Unless you can find out 
what that secret was, and can absolutely assure 
me that it is buried for ever. (^He sighs and 
looks very dejected.^ Come! Come! Don't 
give way ! Take an interest in something else. 

George. I can't ! In what ? 

Lady C. In anything. Try and find out 
the secret of this Bailey Prothero's success. 
I know you think him a swindler ; so do I. It 
would be a splendid thing for a rising young 
barrister like you to expose him. I don't like 



14 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

the influence he has gained over my nephew. 
So I'll help you. What do you say ? 

George. Yes, if you like — anything 3'ou 
like. 

Lady C. Then it's a bargain. You shall 
turn his swindle inside out, and forget all about 
Nina. 

Enter Miss Jenison, l. 

Lady C. Now — where is this marvellous 
gentleman ? 

Miss J. He's still very busy, Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. But I'm getting impatient — I 
want him to tell me everything that has hap- 
pened in my past life, and a good many things 
that haven't. (^Exit.) 

(Miss Jenison shows concern. George 
co?nes up to her.') 

George. Miss Jenison, I've often wished to 
thank you. Sir Edward Skennelsby tells me 
that it was owing to a kind word you said to 
him that he took an interest in me, and helped 
me to my first brief. 

Miss J. You are quite welcome 

George. Of course you knew my late aunt 
— I saw you there several times when I was a 
boy, but I really hadn't an idea that I had so 
good a friend in you. 

Miss J. Oh, Sir Edward was dining here 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 15 

one night — I saw a chance of doing you a good 
turn — I hope you don't think there was any- 
thing unusual in it. 

George. It was unusually kind. Thank 
you very much. 

i^Goes to door, r., and opens it.') 
Miss J. Good-night. (^Offers hand.') 

George. Good-night. 

{Exit Miss Jenison, r.) 

Enter Mr. Bailey Prothero, about fifty-five, a 
quick, nervous, restless man, with strong fea- 
tures, hut shifty eyes, nervous, excitable move- 
ments. Lady Clarabut follows, as if pur- 
suing him. 

Prothero {waving her off). Oh no, no, no. 
Excuse me, Lady Clarabut. I cannot be rushed 
like this. I must have time. The intense 
exertion of summoning up the past is some- 
thing terrible ! 

Lady C. It must be ; but nothing, I should 
say, to summoning up the future ! 

Prothero. They are both alike to me ! 

Lady C. Perhaps. But I don't quite un- 
derstand — What is this inner vision that you 
speak of ? 

Prothero. If you had it. Lady Clarabut, 
you wouldn't ask. As you haven't got it, I can 



16 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT I 

no more explain it to you than I could explain 
to a person born blind what sight is. I pos- 
sess the gift or sense of clairvoyance or second 
sight, by which I see past or future events as 
clearly as if they were happening before my 
eyes. 

(George slightly shrugs his shoulders and 
smiles at Lady Clarabut. ) 

Prothero. You don't believe me, Mr. 
Lambert ? 

George. Oh, yes ! I've often met people 
possessing your gift. Only a month ago I saw 
a dear old gipsy lady sent to gaol for using it 
to enlighten servant girls as to their matrimo- 
nial destinies. 

Prothero. But she was an impostor ! 

George. Yes. Curious fact. In humble 
life they always are impostors. 

Enter ^ l., quickly, Sir Thomas Dovergreen, a 
smart young fellow, well dressed, with rather 
high, squeaky voice, and buoyant, confident 
manner. 

Tommy. Dear old boy, just one word. 
What about Koppiesfontein ? 

Prothero. Koppiesfontein ? ! 

Tommy. Old Sydenham has got hold of 
twenty thousand fully paid shares at five bob. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 17 

He's a little funky, and I think he'll let me 
stand in with him. 

Prothero. Wait a day or two, till I have 
considered. 

Tommy. I can't. You know what these 
things are. He ma}' get a cable from the mine 
at any moment. If it's all right up they go, 
sky high, and then old Syd won't part. What 
do you say ? Shall I have a flutter ? 

Prothero. One moment. (^Puis his hand 
over his eyes and remains as if buried in deep 
thought for some moments, then very oracularly.') 
Buy Koppiesfontein. 

Tommy. That's good enough for me. (^Goes 
off, comes back.) I say, don't give anybody else 
the tip. 

Prothero {shakes hands). I won't. 

Tommy. Thankee, dear old chap. (^Exit, l.) 

Lady C. And when are we to receive a 
little of your kind attention, Mr. Prothero ? 

Prothero. I am utterly prostrate for the 
moment. Can you let me have five minutes 
quite alone to collect myself ? I must warn 
3'ou that I cannot always guarantee a result 

Lady C. No ? Well, perhaps that's wise. 
A judicious vagueness 

Prothero (^turns round on her with sudden 
ferocity that startles Lady Clarabut). I will 
beg you, madam, not to sneer at me in a 



18 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

house where I am equally a guest with your- 
self ! I will beg you not to suggest that I am 
an impostor until you have proved me one. 
(^Opens the door, L.) Please to leave me alone. 
(^Very loftily.') When I am ready for you I will 
send for you ! 

Lady C. I beg your pardon. 
Prothero {loftily'). Say no more. In five 
minutes I shall be ready to answer any ques- 
tion you like to ask me. 

(^Exit Lady Clarabut. ) 
{^As Prothero turns he stands face to face 
with George.) 
Prothero {^advancing kindly to George). 
Pm afraid Pve not impressed you favourably 
{offering his hand), Mr. Lambert. 

George (^putting his hands behind his back). 
Oh, don't let that distress you, Mr. Prothero. 

Prothero. I can't help letting it distress 
me, Mr. Lambert. {Offering hand.) 

George. Pm very sorry, but {shrugging 

shoulder, refusing ha?id). {Exit, l.) 

(Prothero stands piqued and hurt for a 
few seconds, then pulls himself together, 
walks very gingerly to the door l. , lis- 
tens for some seconds, silently turns the 
key in the lock, is crossing to r., when 
Miss Jenison puts her head out of 
door R., and holds out envelope. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 19 

Prothero puts his finger on his lip and 
nods. They meet in the rniddle of the 
room. She gives him the envelope. He 
wrings her hand very cordially. All 
this scene in a quick, nervous whis- 
per.) 
Miss J. Here it is. Everything I could 
get out of them. 

Prothero. Thanks, old girl. I got on 
splendidly at dinner, didn't I ? By Jove, Liz- 
zie, I've had the devil's own luck lately! I've 
been right so often, and when I've been wrong 
it hasn't much mattered. I begin to think 
there must be something in it. 

Miss J. Ssh ! Take care ! I wish 3^ou'd 
give it up. 

Prothero. What for ? We can't live on 
your eighty pounds a year. It's a little risky, 
perhaps, but it's the best thing I've ever had 
my nose in. Fancy my dining with all these 
swells — including my own wife, the best-look- 
ing woman of the bunch ! (^Bowing politely to 
her.') I say, you're in clover here. 
Miss J. Yes; I'm very comfortable. 
Prothero. You ought to be, after my Cali- 
fornian references. I did lay it on thick. 
Miss J. You saw our boy ? 
Prothero. I saw him. I tried to make 
friends with him just now, but he cut me ; 



20 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

wouldn't shake hands with me. Lizzie, he 
despises me. 

Miss J. He doesn't know you. 

Prothero. I rather think he does — too well. 

Miss J. Take care of Lady Clarabut. She 
means to expose you. Don't give her a chance. 

Prothero. Not me. 

Miss J. She's going to ask you three ques- 
tions — I've answered them there. {Pointing to 
envelope. ) 

Prothero. Rumbo. I say, Lizzie, how 
could I get hold of something about the Kop- 
piesfontein Mining Company ? 

Miss J. I don't know. Why? 

Prothero. I've told that young guffin to 
buy a heap of shares in it — I hope it'll turn out 
all right. 

Miss J. {points to envelope^. Take care of 
that — I think that's all you'll want to know. 
Oh — I smelt Miss Proye of brandy the other 
night — I fancy she drinks. 

Prothero. Oh, the little finger, eh ? 

Miss J. Take care of Lady Clarabut. 

{Exit, r. ) 
{Left to himself, Prothero hwriedly opens 
the letter Miss Jenison has given him, 
scans the contents.^ 

Prothero {reading"). Miss Proye, '* En- 
gaged at eighteen to an army man, who went 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 21 

out to India and died. Railway journey — 
breakdown — German prince " — hum — (^puts 
letter i?i pocket, silently unlocks door l. , opens 
it, calls off.) I am now ready to give a seance 
to Miss Proye. 

Enter Miss Prove. 

Prothero. Come in, my dear madam. 
(^Shuts door after her. Genially.') Be seated. 

Miss P. And can you really tell all that 
has happened in my past life ? I don't believe 
you. Oh, I feel so nervous. 

Prothero. Place every confidence in me. 
Be seated. Now ask me any question you 
please, or, perhaps you would prefer me to 
tell you what passes across the field of my 
inner vision ? 

Miss P. Perhaps that would be better. 

Prothero. (^Places himself in aii attitude, 
shuts his eyes as if absorbed in deep thought. ) I 
see you in the flush of early womanhood, at 
the age of some seventeen or eighteen summers 
— perhaps nineteen. There is a soldier beside 
you, a gallant, manly form. 

Miss P. It's Jack ! Poor Jack ! 

Prothero. He looks into your eyes. You 
possess a deep, a strange fascination for 
him 



22 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Miss P. We were engaged. 

Prothero. I see a sadness creeping over 
both your faces. It seems like the shadow of 
a parting. Is it so ? 

Miss P. Yes — go on. 

Prothero. A parting — at — at — {plunging) 
Portsmouth. 

Miss P. No. 

Prothero. No ? Are you sure ? The 
town looks like Portsmouth. 

Miss P. No ; it was at Marseilles. 

Prothero. It is Marseilles. I see the 
French flags flying on all the ships in the 
harbour. It is Marseilles. His boat steams 
away, he waves an adieu — he's gone! I see 
him again. He is much tanned. 

Miss P. Yes; he went to India. 

Prothero. I don't know whether it's In- 
dia, or Africa, or Jamaica. But he is clearly 
tanned. That I'll swear to. Ah ! some great 
misfortune is threatening him. He is dead. 
Am I right, so far ? 

Miss P. Quite! He died in India! It's 
wonderful ! How did you know ? 

Prothero. It all passed across the field of 
my inner vision. Let me try again. (^Puts 
himself i?t an attitude, shuts his eyes.) It is 
winter. You are traveling — in a railway car- 
riage. There is a stranger in the carriage 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 23 

with you — from his appearance 1 should judge 
him to be a German — a man of some rank. 

Miss P. It was Prince Oh ! what 

have I said ? 

Prothero. There is a kind of accident — 
you are slightly injured — you faint away— the 
Prince bears you in his arms across the snow 
to the village inn 

Miss P. Oh! please — stop — at least — 
don't go on. 

Prothero. He goes for the doctor — he 
waits upon you himself. The innkeeper insists 
upon addressing you as madam — it is most 
embarrassing for you both. Am I right? 

Miss P. Quite. It was a most extraordi- 
nary adventure. 

Prothero. Do you believe in my powers ? 

Miss P. I think you're too wonderful for 
words. {Gazing at him in wonderment.) 

Prothero. Thank you. I shall feel obliged 
if you will mention that to your friends. 

Miss P. I will! I will! {Going.) 

Prothero {very solemnly). One moment 1 
Before you go 

Miss P. What?! 

Prothero {very seriously). May I speak 
one solemn word of warning as a friend — I 
should say as a physician. {She looks surprised.) 
I have detected 



24 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Miss P. {alarmed). What ? 

(Prothero, standings looks at her a few 
moments, and then makes an action of 
putting glass to lips. She shows great 
fright ; he repeats the actio?i.') 

Miss P. {much frightened). Oh! — It's only 
rarely — very rarely — only when I have 
neuralgia. 

Prothero {shakes his head). Don't have 
neuralgia ! Put the brake on, my dear lady — 
I beg you put the brake on — pull yourself 
up 

Miss P. I will! You won't mention this 
to any one ? 

Prothero. Rely on me. And if you 
should hear any doubts expressed about me, 
I may expect that you will defend me ? 

Miss P. Oh, I will, you may be sure. 
Thank you so much ! 

Prothero. Don't mention it. {Taking out 
a lot of cards.) You may find these useful to 
distribute amongst all your friends. My 
charge for an evening is ten guineas. Please 
remember that I cannot always guarantee a 
result. And above all — put the brake on — 
you are careering to destruction — put the 
brake on — take care of these {giving her the 
cards) — as a friend, I adjure you, put the 
brake on. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 25 

Miss P. Thank you so much. I shall 
recommend you everywhere. And if any one 
questions your powers, I shall tell them. 

Prothero. The simple truth ! {Opens the 
door.) Mrs. Reffell, in one minute! To Miss 
Prove as she passes out.) The simple truth to 
these ladies and gentlemen, if you please ! 
The simple truth is always enough for me. 
(^Bows her out, closes the door.) And a damned 
sight too much very often. ( Takes out letter^ 
hastily glances over it.) Mrs. Reffell — is very 
jealous — husband stockbroker — spends his 
evenings away from home — was away last 
Tuesday and Friday — h'm, h'm — h'm, h'm — 
a very easy case. Lady Clarabut — hum — 
dancing Edinburgh, Capenhurst — measles, 
Cheltenham — whiskey and water, last Satur- 
day night. (^Futs envelope in his pocket, opens 
door, calls out.) I am now ready to give a 
seance to Mrs. Reffell. 

Enter Mrs. Reffell ; Prothero goes to her 
with great sympathy. 

Prothero (^sytnpathetically). Be seated, 
madam. Be seated, my very dear madam. 
(^Stands and looks at her with very great sym- 
pathy.) Ah! (^Sighs.) 

Mrs. Reff. Why do you look at me like that? 



26 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT i 

Prothero. You are a misunderstood 
woman. You are a woman of heart, of feeling 

— a woman with a wealth of devotion and 
affection, and you are not valued at anything 
approaching your proper worth. Am I not 
right? 

Mrs. Reff. Go on. 

Prothero. I do not like to touch upon 
domestic matters 

Mrs. Refe. That is precisely what I wish 
to consult you upon. 

Prothero. Ah ! One moment ! One 
moment! I see you at home — in a room — 
your drawing-room, I presume ? 

Mrs. Reff. When is this ? 

Prothero. Quite recently. You are 
dressed for dinner — you expect your husband 

— you wait — he doesn't come — you grow im- 
patient — you ring — you ask for him. Am I 
right ? 

Mrs. Reff. No. I rang, but I didn't ask 
for him. 

Prothero. But you rang. I heard the 
bell ! And if you didn't ask for him, you were 
surely thinking about him, eh ! 

Mrs. Reff. Yes. 

Prothero. I knew it. You dine alone. 
You eat but little. You return to the draw- 
ing-room. You wait ! You wait ! The hours 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 27 

pass in dreary silence. At last he comes 
— and then — you are silent no longer. It 
is the time and occasion for speech — at 
some length. 

Mrs. Reff. Don't you think I was justi- 
fied? 

Prothero. I agree with every word you 
said. 

Mrs. Reff. Now tell me where he was. 

Prothero. I would rather not. Let us 
turn to some happier hour, to some scene of 
your childhood 

Mrs. Reff. No, I don't wish to know 
anything about my childhood. I want to 
know 

Prothero. Where your husband dined last 
Tuesday and Friday. 

Mrs. Reff. Yes. 

Prothero. Frankly, I will not tell you. 

Mrs. Reff. Why not ? 

Prothero. I am not here to stir up domes- 
tic strife. My profession is a peaceful one. 

Mrs. Reff. Is it a question of money? — 
I'll give you twenty, fifty guineas. 

Prothero. If you were to offer me a hun- 
dred I could not tell you. 

Mrs. Reff. I don't believe you know. 

Prothero. You doubt my powers ? In this 
instance I am glad you do. But that being 



28 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

the case, you will allow me to say our inter- 
view is at an end. (^Opens door, l. ) Lady 
Clarabut, please 

Enter Lady Clarabut, l. 

Mrs. Reff. No. 

Lady C. Well, have you been successful, 
Mr. Prothero. 

Prothero. Pm pleased to say I have not, 
Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. How is that ? 

Prothero. I unfortunately happened to 
call up a few scenes of Mrs. Reffell's domes- 
tic life. I regret they were not pleasant. I 
wished to dismiss them. But she is not willing. 
I must really decline to pursue the matter 
further. Come to me some other day 

Mrs. Reff. No. I wish to know 

Lady C. What ? 

Mrs. Reff. Where my husband dined last 
Tuesday and Friday. 

Lady C. At his club, of course. 

Mrs. Reff. (^enraged'). That old fib again ! 
(7<7 Prothero.) Where did my husband dine 
last Tuesday and Friday ? 

Prothero. At his club, of course. 

Mrs. Reff. {niaddened^. Oh, I — I feel — I 
feel I could (^passitig ouf). 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 29 

Prothero (as she goes by). Be calm, my 
dear lady ! Be calm ! {Closes door after her, 
turns to Lady Clarabut.) Now, Lady Clara- 
but, I am at your service ! 

Lady C. I should like my young friend, 
Mr. Lambert, to be present during my sitting. 

Prothero. Lambert ! Why ? 

Lady C. To assist me. Candidly, Mr. Pro- 
thero, while you confine yourself to fortune- 
telling I don't think you'll do much harm. But 
you've obtained a hold on my silly nephew, 
Sir Thomas Dovergreen. You're leading him 
into speculation 

Prothero. Pve put five hundred pounds 
into his pocket. Pm very sorry. 

Lady C. You're sorry? 

Prothero. Yes. I wish I had put it into 
my own. 

Lady C. That's your business. My hus- 
band is Sir Thomas's trustee, and I don't in- 
tend you shall ruin the boy. 

Prothero. And so you intend to ruin me ? 

Lady C. I mean to stop your flourishing 
business as prophet if I can. 

Prothero {insinuatingly). Only you don't 
feel quite sure of yourself. 

Lady C. Oh yes, I do. 

Prothero. Then why do you bring in a 
clever young lawyer to help you ? 



30 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Lady C. And if you feel quite sure of 
yourself, why do you object ? 

Prothero. Oh, my dear lady, I don't ob- 
ject — bring him in by all means — but 

Lady C. But? What? 

Prothero. I might call up a few rather 
delicate domestic episodes 

Lady C. Of what nature ? 

Prothero. Well — you are not quite un- 
derstood at home — not quite, quite appre- 
ciated, eh ? 

Lady C. {shakes her head at him, smiling). 
Oh yes, I am ! 

Prothero {same business at her). Oh no, 
you're not ! 

Lady C. Oh yes, I am 

Prothero. Oh no, you're not 



Lady C. Won't you allow me to know what 
happens in my own home ? 

Prothero. No. That is what I am here 
to tell you. You are a woman of heart, a 
woman of feeling. Do you mean to tell me, 
Lady Clarabut, that you are valued at your 
proper worth ? 

Lady C. No, my dear man, I don't — Pm 
not valued at one hundredth part of my proper 
worth, and I don't know any woman who is. 
But in the eternal mismanagement, misgovern- 
ment, and oppression of my sex by yours, I 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 31 

don't know that I've very much to grumble at. 

Prothero. And you're thoroughly, abso- 
lutely satisfied — matrimonially ? 

Lady C. Thoroughly! absolutely! 

Prothero (^cordially). You are the only 
woman I ever met who was. 

Lady C. Have you finished with my do- 
mestic affairs ? If so, I'll call in Mr. Lambert ! 
{Going to door. Prothero makes a mo- 
tion to stop her.^ 

Lady C. You object ? 

Prothero. No — but — Mr. Lambert has a 
prejudice against me 

Lady C. I'll give you a chance to remove 
it. {Opens door, l.) Mr. Lambert 

Enter George, l., bows to Prothero. 

Prothero. This is a little unusual, Mr. 
Lambert — but I'm quite willing to be cross- 
examined. 

George {seating himself^. Don't take any 
notice of me. Go on with Lady Clarabut as if 
I weren't here. {Seats hifnself, watches keenly.') 

Prothero. I'm ready. Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. {turns round very sharply and sud- 
denly). My first dance ! Where was it ? What 
was the man's name ? 

Prothero {very quiet, digfiified). Oh please 



32 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

give me fair play ! Don't try to confuse me ! 
Now ! a little more gentle if you please. 

Lady C. Where did I dance my first 
dance ? 

Prothero {^puis himself in an attitude). I 
see a town — there are hills all around — and a 
castle ^ — somewhere in Scotland — is it Edin- 
burgh ? 

Lady C. Quite right. And the man's name ? 

Prothero (^again puts himself in attitude). 
Captain — Captain — (^suddenly) Captain Capen- 
hurst ! 

Lady C. How did you know that ? 

Prothero. If I were to tell you, you would 
be as wise as I am. Another question, if you 
please. Have you thought of one ? 

Lady C. Yes. 

Prothero. Perhaps you would like me to 
tell you what your question is ? 

Lady C. That would be clever of you. 

Prothero {again in attitude). Wait ! Wait ! 
I see something — you are a child — a little 
girl — it is somewhere in the countr)^ — in the 
West of England — you are ill in bed — is it 
whooping-cough? No! It's measles! Am I 
right ? 

Lady C. Yes. I was going to ask you 
when and where I had the measles — it was 
when I was seven, at Cheltenham. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 33 

Prothero. What do you think of that, Mr. 
Lambert ? 

George. A wonderfully good shot, Mr. 
Prothero. Try again. 

Prothero. Ask me something else. 

Lady C. I've thought of something. But 
tell me again what I've thought of 

Prothero. Oh, that's hardly fair. Still — 
inputs hi??iself in attitude') — Oh ! 

Lady C. What's the matter — What do you 
see ? 

Prothero. Really — do you wish me to 
tell you what I see ? 

Lady C. By all means 

Prothero. You are in bed again — I regret 
to say you are drinking something hot in a 
tumbler — which (^sniffs) — which (^sniffs) smells 
like whiskey. Am I right ? 

Lady C. Quite. {Suddenly.) You were in 
the next room just now ! You heard me ! 

Prothero. Lady Clarabut, please recall that. 

Lady C. I beg your pardon. (^Suddenly.) 
Tell me what I'm thinking now ? 

Prothero {taken aback). What you are 
thinking now ? 

Lady C. Yes. {Appealing with a glance to 
George, who rises. Very pere?nptorily.) What 
am I thinking now ? 

{Looking at him very keenly.) 



34 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Prothero. You are thinking that I'm one 
of the biggest swindlers you ever met, and 
you never were more mistaken in your life ! 

Lady C. Good ! Shake hands. (^Holding 
out hand, shaking hands cordially.) That's just 
what I was thinking. (^To George.) Mr. 
Lambert, I've done ! I hand him over to you. 

Enter Miss Jenison, r., and crosses to l. 

George. Would you mind my putting a 
few questions to you in the presence of the 
company ? 

Prothero. Not at all. 

(^Exit Miss Jenison, l., leaves door 
open. ) 
George (^goes to door, l. ). Will you all 
please come in ? I am about to test Mr. Pro- 
thero's powers. 

Enter Lord John Bucklow, Sir William 
Clarabut, Nina, Mrs. Sydenham, Miss 
Proye, Mrs. Reffell, Lady Dovergreen 
coming in last, supported by Miss Jenison, 
who takes her to a chair, seats her comfortably, 
and stays beside her during the following scene, 
closely watching. 

Lord John (^ fat, disabled, hobbling old 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 35 

aristocratic personage about seventy-five, with dis- 
jointed speech, ifivoltmtary whistlings, sphitter- 
ings, and nervous grimaces and twitchings of 
features.) Where is this fellow, what's his 
name? (^Little nervous whistle of few fiotes.) 
Oh, here you are. {Hobbles up to Prothero. ) 
I want to ask you — name of little hussy 
{whistle) I took to Switzerland eighteen-forty- 
nine — dark girl with curls {Gri?nace.) 

Lady C. Hush, Lord Johnny — 3^ou really 
must begin to reform 1 

Lord John. I will ! I will ! I'll begin to- 
morrow morning — dammy, yes — reform. I'll 
tell my man to remind me. {To Prothero.) 

I say 

{Fulls down Prothero' s head to his, 
whispers. ) 

Prothero. I think, Lord John, we have 
revelled enough in your past for one evening. 
Come to me in Bond street one day, and I'll 
refresh your memory. 

Lord John. Thank you — thank you — so 
much — dammy, so much! 

{By this ti7?ie all have entered.) 

George. Mr. Prothero has kindly per- 
mitted me to put a few questions to him. 
You profess to be able to see the past lives 
of those who come to you. (Prothero bows.) 
Can you see my past ? 



36 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

Prothero. Quite clearly. 

George. My childhood ? 

Prothero. Quite clearly. Would you like 
me to try and recall a few memories ? 

George. Yes. If you have this power you 
will be able to supplement my few recollec- 
tions so as to bring into my memory other 
circumstances connected with them. For in- 
stance, I vaguely remember a summer night, 
and some gardens, and a lady singing 

Prothero {throwing himself into his charac- 
teristic attitude). The concert is over — in the 
crush you are separated from your — from the 
man and woman who are with you — you get 
lost — the man searches all over the gardens 
for you — you are crying bitterly — at last he 
finds you and takes you in his arms and 
kisses you again and again — you are very 
tired — you have to walk home — the man is 
tired too — he throws you over his shoulder 
and you fall asleep — the man drags on— you 
wake up crying — you are hungry — the man 
tries to get you something to eat — all the 
shops are closed — he stops at a coffee-stall 
and gives you some coffee and bread and but- 
ter just as it is beginning to grow light — you 
eat hungrily — you kiss him — and fall asleep 
again with your arms hanging round his neck. 
Does that agree with your remembrance ? 



THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 37 



George. Yes ! Yes ! Tell me — No 



Prothero. You wish me to recall some 
other memories ? 

George. Not here — not now. 

Prothero. Why not? Recall this scene — 
a man is playing a concertina on a river steam- 
boat. — As he comes off the boat a woman meets 
him and gives him a warning. — Do you follow ? 

George. Yes 

Prothero. He takes a cab, drives hurriedly 
away with you and the woman 

George. Stop. 

Prothero. No. The man 

George. Stop. 

Prothero {pauses. Looks round'). I'll com- 
plete the picture for you alone. 

George. No 

Prothero. If you please — You have ques- 
tioned my powers. I wish to convince you — 
One moment — {Draws him aside, whispers'). He 
takes you to a house close to a railway — the 
trains are rattling over your head — some men 
are smoking, drinking, swearing, playing cards 
— the police burst in — the man snatches you up 
and tries to escape — he is overpowered — he is 
dragged away — the woman cries and takes you 
with her. {Aloud.) Will you please tell the 
company, Mr. Lambert, if I have rightly recalled 
your past ? 



38 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act i 

George. I own you have — perfectly — 

but 

Prothero. You still doubt me. 

Re-e7iter Sir Thomas Dovergreen and Mr. 
Sydenham reading telegram. Tommy in wild 
excitement takes telegra?n from Sydenham, 
comes up to Prothero, takes his hand, shakes 
it warmly. 

Tommy. Thanks, dear old boy ! Cable from 
Koppiesfontein — splendid news — shares will be 
up to par to-morrow — (^Showing cablegra^n to 
Prothero). I've landed eight thousand pounds 
— I'm going to make you a present of one of 
'em for giving me the tip. Pen and ink. 

(^Takes out a cheque-book, sits down to 
write. ) 

Lord John. I say — dear boy, what is this 
confounded mine — dammy — er — it is worth 
going in for ? 

Syd. Mr. Prothero, what are the future 
prospects of Koppiesfontien ? 

Reff. Shall you be at liberty to-morrow? 
Can you call at my office in the city ? I should 
like to talk this over with you, Mr. Prothero 

Tommy (^handing cheque to Prothero). No, 
Reffell, my boy — Prothero is my pal. There's 
a cheque for a thousand down on account, dear 
old boy. (Prothero takes cheque^. 



ACT I THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 39 

Lady C. It seems strange, Mr. Prothero, if 
you have this wonderful power of foreseeing 
events, that you haven't taken advantage of it 
to make a fortune for yourself. 

Prothero {looking at cheque'). Pve never had 
the chance, Lady Clarabut. But I mean to 
now ! Sir Thomas, are you disposed to join me 
in a little speculation ? 

Lady C. {deprecatingly). No, Tommy ! 

Tommy. Yes, auntie ! (7b Prothero.) Join 
you? Won't I? And only too glad ! Make 
me your banker ! Here's my cheque-book — 
whenever you want it. You write out the 
cheques, Pll sign them. Pm game for what you 
like, and to any amount ! 

Prothero. Mr. Reffell, I will call on you in 
the city to-morrow. I shall have some very 
large investments to make. 

Reff. By all means. At what time may I 
expect you ? 

Prothero. At eleven. Has any lady or 
gentleman any other inquiry to make of me ? 
No ? If you will please excuse me. Lady Dov- 
ergreen, I have had a most fatiguing evening — 
Good-night, ladies and gentlemen ! Good-night 
to you all ! {Exif). 

Curtain. 
{Four months pass between Acts I and II.') 



ACT II 



Scene — Mr. Bailey Prothero's Flat, Audley 
Mansions, Mount Street 

A handsomely furnished dining-room. Door at 
back ; door L. Along the right side of room a 
table littered with remains of luncheon, wine 
and liqueur bottles, dessert plates, boxes of cigars, 
cigarettes, plates, dishes, serviettes, coffee service 
and cups, etc. 

Discover seated at table Prothero, The Marquis 
OF Bicester, Lord John Bucklow, Mr. 
Sydenham, Mr. Hubbock, Mr. Pinniger, 
Mr. Reffell, Mr. Chester, and Sir Thomas 
Dovergreen, smoking, drinking liqueurs and 
coffee. As curtain rises, Tommy gets on his legs. 
His speech is frequently interrupted with excla- 
mations of approval. 

Tommy. Lord Bicester, and gentlemen, you 
may think by my assuming this familiar attitude 
that I'm going to make a common or garden 

(40) 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 41 

fool of myself. I'm not ! A little friendly 
luncheon like this ain't the time for letting off 
any superfluous piffle in the way of a speech. 
So I'll cut the cackle and come to business. 
We are here to form a snug little syndicate 
under the advice and direction of our worthy 
host, Mr. Bailey Prothero. It has been asked 
by certain persons, whom I will briefly describe 
as beastly duffling rank outsiders, '^Who is Mr. 
Bailey Prothero ? What has Mr. Bailey 
Prothero done ? Where does Mr. Bailey Pro- 
thero come from, and who are his ancestors ?" 
Lord Bicester and gentlemen — in reply to the 
question, ^'Who is Mr. Bailey Prothero?" 
I answer, " He is the jolly good fellow and dear 
old pal who sits there at the head of the table, 
smoking his cigar and liquoring up as calmly 
as if he hadn't got more brains in his little 
finger than all the rest of us have got in all 
our heads and bodies put together ! " 

Prothero. Oh, no, Tommy — oh, no! No 
psychology, please ! 

Tommy. Yes, you have, Bailey ! And you 
know you have ! In reply to the question, 
**What has Mr. Bailey Prothero done?" I an- 
swer, *' During the last three months he has 
given me the straightest of straight tips, 
whereby I have lined my breeches pockets 
with metal images of Her Majesty to the tune 



42 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

of ten thousand quid sterling." And that is 
quite good enough for this sportsman ! In 
reply to the further question, ''Where does Mr. 
Bailey Prothero come from, and who are his 
ancestors?" I answer, "I don't know, and I 
thundering well don't care ! " I have ancestors 
of my own, and while Bailey (^pointing affection- 
ately to Prothero) continues to supply me with 
straight tips, I will supply him with ancestors. 
He is welcome to mine if he wants any. I place 
the whole boiling of them freely at his dis- 
posal 

Prothero. Thank you. Tommy, thank you. 

Tommy. As freely as I place at his disposal 
my cheque-book, my friendship, my hand, my 
heart, my all. Lord Bicester and gentlemen, I 
ask you to drink the health of our host and the 
boss of our syndicate, Mr. Bailey Prothero — 
the best and straightest fellow that ever 
breathed ! He will stick to you as he has 
stuck to me, and I will stick to him as long as 
he's got his honest old hand to hold out to a 
friend, as long as his dear old mug and his 
venerable locks waggle above his shoulders, 
and as long as he has got a straight tip to 
give me ! Gentlemen, without any further 
tommy-rot, I give you Mr. Bailey Prothero, 
and the South African and Australian Gold 
and Land Investment Bank. (^Sits down'). 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 43 

(Lord John gets up. During his speech 
he is constantly interrupted and encour- 
aged by cries of ' ' Hear, hear ! Bravo, 
Lord Johnny, '^ etc. ) 
Lord John. My dear Bicester and gentle- 
men {splutters'), I wish to add my testimony 
{whistles a few notes') to that of my enthusiastic 
young friend who has just sat down {smacks his 
lips) — to the merits of our worthy host — dammy. 
I have arrived at — time of Hfe {grimace) when 
having exhausted all other delights {whistles a 
few notes) I have nothing before me — dammy — 
but an old age of sincere repentence {whistles) 
for having enjoyed myself to the best of my 
powers every day — dammy — and all day long 
for the last seventy-two years. {Smack of lips.) 
Providence, having blessed me {spluttering) with 
wonderful constitution {grimace) and having 
given me — dammy — most expensive and exclu- 
sive tastes in wine — {grimace) in food — in cigars 
— in clothes — and in love {whistles a few notes 
— forgot — dammy — to provide me with any solid 
and visible means of indulging those tastes. 
{Splutters and whistles.) I was therefore com- 
pelled either to live — {smack of lips) life of most 
offensive virtue and industr}^ — {whistles) or to 
gratify those tastes — dammy — at other people's 
expense. {Grimace.) I took latter alternative. 
But just as other people were {smack) — were 



44 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

getting tired of this arrangement, I had good 
fortune (whistles) to meet with our worthy host, 
Mr. — Mr. — Mr. — {grimace) — HeobHgingly made 
use of my name, and in return gave me most 
useful advice — (^spluttering) with regard to cer- 
tain — dammy — mines. I have not the remotest 
idea where those mines are situated — (whistles) 
I do not know how our worthy host obtained his 
information — I only wish to express my implicit 
confidence in Mr. 

Prothero. Bailey Prothero. 

Lord John. Mr. Bailey Prothero's judg- 
ment — (^grimace). Through acting on his ad- 
vice I have satisfied my most rapacious cred- 
itors, and I have also {spluttering) provided my 
declining years with the bare necessaries of 
life — including some thirty dozens of eighty- 
nine champagne. — And, my dear Bicester — I 
hope you will no longer hesitate to follow the 
example which as your uncle and mentor I 
have set you (^chorus of ^^ Hear, Hear/''), and 
join us on the prospectus of this Trust or 
Bank — or whatever the damned thing is 
called. I drink to Mr. Bailey Prothero and 
South African, South American — confounded 
company — dammy — {Sits down amidst chorus 
of ^^Hear, Hear'' and '^Bra7jo, Johnny,'* They 
all rise and drink to Prothero, calling ouij 
''Prothero/ Now, Prothero/ Bailey/") 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 45 

Prothero (rising). Lord Bicester, Lord 
John, and gentlemen, I thank you most heart- 
ily for the cordial way in which you have 
drunk my health, and for the confidence you 
have reposed in me and the great enterprise 
upon which we have embarked. I am always 
deeply touched by proofs of confidence. It is 
my nature to be sensitive on this point. Con- 
fidence is the one thing I cannot live without. 
I own I have felt wounded by some remarks 
made by Lord Bicester as to the soundness 
of our undertaking 

Lord B. Oh, Mr. Prothero, I assure you — 
I assure you 

Prothero. You are perhaps right to be 
careful, Lord Bicester, but I felt wounded 
none the less. I have been challenged both 
in public and private as to the sources of my 
information, the precise means by which I was 
able to foretell the enormous rise that has 
taken place in certain mining shares during 
the last few months. Gentlemen, I absolutely 
decline to explain the nature of those gifts of 
insight and prediction whereby I have been so 
successful. I will not lay bare the workings 
of my soul to any one. In reply to the charges 
of imposture and swindling that are so freely 
brought against me by a certain weekly paper, 
I triumphantly point to the results I have 



46 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

achieved. (^Cries of ^'Bear, Hear/''') Have I 
been successful in advising you to embark in 
certain enterprises? {^Cries of "You have.'') 
Have I put money in your pockets, or have I not? 

Tommy (^slaps his pockets^ which jingle with 
coin). You have ! You have ! 

Prothero. Then I claim your confidence 
for the future. Confidence is what I demand. 
Confidence is what I must have if the affairs 
of this company are to be brought to a suc- 
cessful issue under my advice. Our friend 
Mr. Hubbock may float our company as he 
has floated others, our friend Mr. Reffell may 
work it, our friend Mr. Sydenham may go 
to South Africa and Australia and report 
on the various properties, and our dear old 
friend the British public may subscribe for 
our shares, but unless I have your implicit 
confidence, the South African and Australian 
Gold and Land Investment Bank will come 
to grief, as surely — as surely as my name 
is Bailey Prothero. For the last time, Lord 
Bicester, all of you, if you have not the 
utmost confidence in me, say so now, and 
leave me — leave me to develop this scheme, 
and pocket the proceeds myself ! 

(^Cries of ^'No, no, no/") 

Tommy. No, no, go on, you old mascot, 
go on ! 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 47 

Prothero {shaking hands all round). Thank 
you, gentlemen ! Thank you for this proof of 
your confidence. With that assured we march 
to certain victory. I foresee plainly a great 
and glorious future for South Africa. I foresee 
plainly a great and glorious future for Aus- 
tralia. I foresee plainly a great and glorious 
future for ourselves. I thank you for your 
confidence. If that confidence is misplaced, 
let any man come to me five years from to-day 
and tell me so. And I will meet him face to 
face and frankly own that I was mistaken ! 

(^Loud applause fro7n the compa^iy ; as he 
siis down a little movement a?nongst 
them — one or two guests get up and 
talk apart. ) 

Syd. I must be going, Prothero. I have 
heaps of things to do if I start next week for 
the Cape. 

Prothero. If you start next week for the 
Cape — You do start, my dear Sydenham. We 
rely upon you to supplement my advice. 

Reff. And I must be getting back to the 
City. 

Hub. One word — I must know to-night for 
certain whether we are to have Lord Bicester's 
name on our prospectus. 

Prothero. What do you say, Lord Bi- 
cester? We are waiting for your decision 



48 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Lord B. {a very mild, timid, nervous man 
about forty'). Well, Mr. Prothero — of course — 
if the thing is all right — I should be delighted 
to join you 

Prothero {very sternly). If the thing is 
all right, Lord Bicester — If the thing is all 
right ? 

Lord B. Yes — understand me — I don't 
wish to convey that the thing is not all 
right — in fact I'm convinced that the thing 
is all right — quite all right 

Prothero (^/^;2/^/y). Well? 

Lord B. Only — don't you know — I don't 
wish to lend my name to anything that is not 
— quite all right. 

Prothero {decisively). Mr. Hubbock, please 
to withdraw Lord Bicester's name from the 
prospectus. He will not join us. 

Lord B. Oh yes, oh yes, I fully intend 
to 

Prothero. I would prefer you should not. 

Lord B. Oh yes. I quite accept your 
assurance that the thing is all right. Mr. 
Hubbock, I go in with you. You may restore 
my name to your prospectus. 

Hub. Thank you. Lord Bicester. Come, 
Reff ell — Sydenham — ( General hand- shaking). 

Syd. See you to-morrow, Prothero. 

{Shaking hands.) 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 49 

Prothero. I shall be free at eleven. 
(^Shaking hands with Reffell and Hubbock.) 
(^Exeunt Reffell, Hubbock, and Syden- 
ham. 
Prothero. Chester, Pinniger, are you 
going ? 

(^Shaking hands with them. ) 
Chester. We must, dear old fellow. 

{Exeunt Chester and Pinniger.) 
Lord John. Bye-bye. I say my dear boy, 
I cannot remember name of that little hussy 

— {whistles^ that I took to Switzerland year 
eighteen-forty-nine — you told me all about her 

— little dark girl 

Prothero. Hush — Lord John — Business ! 
Business ! Love is the business of our youth 

— Business is the business of our maturer 
years. 

Lord John. No ! No ! Dear boy ! Love, 
dear boy — Love! love! love is the only 
business that is worth doing on this con- 
founded planet of ours. Love ! Love ! 
{Whistles.^ Come along, Bicester — I cannot 
remember name of that little — hussy — dammy 

( Whistles. Exit. ) 

Lord B. Good-day, Mr. Prothero — de- 
lighted to join you — {nervously). One word 
in strict confidence — you'll excuse me — the 
thing is quite all right, eh ? eh ? 



50 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Prothero slightly winks at him, laughs, 
and grasps his hand. Exit Lord 
Bicester with satisfied expression on 
his face.") 

Tommy. Good-bye, dear old chum. (^Looks 
at him.') By Jove, Bailey, the more I look at 
you, the more I wonder how that one darned 
old head of yours holds all your brains 

Prothero. It is a tight fit. 

Tommy. How d'ye do it, eh, Bailey? 

Prothero (^slightly winks at him, laughs, 
shakes head). Pocket your profits, Tommy, 
and don't ask questions. 

Tommy. I won't. Only, I say, Bailey — 
{very confidentially) — Is there anything in this 
inner vision, or is it all tommy-rot, eh? 

Prothero looks at him calmly and very 
viciously for some moments, then speaks). If you 
insult me by asking me that question again, 
I'll call up my man and I'll have you placed 
on the outside of my front door with instruc- 
tions that you never see the inside of it again. 

Tommy. I beg your pardon. Dear old 
boy, I didn't mean it. You'll look over it ? 

Prothero. This time, yes. But under- 
stand me, if you dare to question my powers 
again, either to yourself or to any living 
man 

Tommy. I won't, dear old man. I won't, 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 51 

I assure you. I believe in you thoroughly — 
only I don't quite know how it's done. Shake 
hands, dear old fellow. 

(Prothero shakes hands reluctantly.') 
Tommy (^shaking hands). I'm awfully sorry. 
I say, we have been landing 'em lately, haven't 
we ? ( Tapping his breeches pockets.) 

Prothero. We have been landing them 
lately. 

(^They both stand tapping their breeches 
pockets a?id laughing.) 
Tommy {shaking hands). Bye-bye, dear old 
Bailey. {Goes to door, about to exit; returns.) 
I can't help it. I must come and have another 
look at you. You are a clever devil. I must 
shake hands once again, dear old boy. 

{Another hand-shake and laugh; taps 

breeches pockets, Prothero does same. 

Exit Tommy, laughing.) 

Prothero {laughs in harmony with Tommy. 

When Tommy exits he continues laughing ; changes 

the tone of his laugh ; it grows louder and fiercer 

and more conte?nptuous ; laughs again and again 

contemptuously). My fools ! My fools ! My 

fools ! My pretty, pretty, pretty fools ! My 

team of fools ! My perfect world of perfect 

fools ! 

Enter Palmer, showing in Miss Jenison. 
Palmer {announces). Miss Jenison. {Exit.) 



52 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act il 

Miss J. George 

Prothero {watches Palmer offy executes a 
few steps of a dance round her). Come in ! 
Make yourself at home, Mrs. Bailey Prothero, 
alias Mrs. Stanley Browne, alias Miss Jenison, 
alias Mrs. George Jackman ! 

Miss J. Hush ! Hush ! How did the 
luncheon go off ? 

Prothero. Rumbo ! 

Miss J. And the Company ? Have you 
started it ? 

Prothero. Yes ! Pve bagged the Marquis 
of Bicester ! I bluffed and bullied him into 
it, and Pve got all these sharp city men in 
tow, Reffell, Sydenham, Hubbock, the whole 
pack of them ! They're teaching me a high 
old game, and they think Pm teaching them. 
And the devil of it is Pm nearly always right ! 
Did you ever know such luck ? Luck ! It 
can't be luck! There must be something in 
it ! There must be a little cherub sitting up 
aloft with special instructions to take care of 
me. I can't go wrong ! Lizzie, in six months 
I shall be making so much money I shan't 
know what to do with it ! Come ! Sit down 
and enjoy yourself ! Take off your hat and 
coat ! 

Miss J. Shan't I shock that respectable 
man-servant of yours ? 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 53 

Prothero. Shock him ! Do him good ! 
Respectability be hanged ! I've had all these 
swells to luncheon till I'm simply bursting 
with respectability. Sixpen'orth more will 
be the death of me. Take them off, my girl ! 
{^Unfastening her cape and iakifig off her hat.^ 
Take them off ! Why do you wear such things 
as these ? 

(^Flinging her cloak on one side, pitching 
her hat on to his toe, and kicking it 
across the room.^ 

Miss J. Oh, George, my best hat ! 

Prothero (^banging the feathers abouf). And 
a damned bad one it is. Get another one, 
my girl ! It's not good enough for you ! 
(^Cuffing it about.) Here! {Taking out a leather 
pocket-book fro?n his pocket, and a bundle of notes 
fro7n it, stuffing them into her hand.) Go and 
spend some of my money ! Go and buy up 
Marshall and Snelgrove ! Buy up Lewis and 
Allenby ! And then come back and ask for 
more, .God bless you ! Sit down. Have a 
drink ! Put a name on it, Chartreuse, Maras- 
chino, Cura^oa, Champagne 

Miss J. Champagne. 

Prothero. Rumbo ! Eighty-four. We'll 
have it in the tankard that young guffin gave 
me for stuffing him about the mines. {Pouring 
out champagne into a tankard that sta?ids on the 



54 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

table, giving it to her.) There ! And before we 
turn over our new leaf I'll give you a toast — 
The past, old girl ! 

Miss J. The past ! {Drinking.') 

Prothero. The jolly, rowdy, rollicking old 
past ! Lizzie, this is better than playing the 
concertina. 

(^Humming a so7ig, with the fnotion of play - 
i?ig the concertina. ) 

Prothero. Lizzie, I've been to look at a 
house in Park Lane this morning 

Miss J. Park Lane?! 

Prothero. Yes ! Why not ? What a fool 
I was not to try honesty first ! What a fortune 
I should have made by this time ! 

Miss J. And you do mean to try honesty 
now, don't you, dear, for all the rest of your 
life? 

Prothero. Of course I do ! I always have 
been as honest as circumstances permitted. 
No man can say more. And the richer I grow, 
the honester I get ! Besides, there's no need 
to be dishonest in London ! There are so 
many ways of swindling the people — honestly. 
Here, take this order to view the house. Go 
and look over it this afternoon, and come back 
and tell me how you like it. 

Miss J. {taking house agenfs order from Pro- 
thero). George, don't you think if we make 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 55 

too much of a stir in the world something may 
turn up ? 

Prothero. Not it ! It's a good many years 
ago. Nobody's likely to recognize us. If any- 
thing ever does turn up, put it all on to me. 

Miss J. In this world — or the next? 

Prothero. Oh, dear ! There's that con- 
science of yours bobbing up again ! That's the 
worst of you, Lizzie. Just when everything is 
serene and beautiful, the birds are chirruping 
around us, the flowers are blooming on every 
side, we go festively along hand in hand sipping 
the sweets of life together, when all of a sudden 
up bobs that confounded conscience of yours 
and sheds a sickly gloom over the whole land- 
scape ! Shut him up in his box, there's a dear 
girl. Shut him up and keep him there ! 

Miss J. Forgive me, George. You know 
what my people were before they came down in 
the world, and how strictly I was brought up. 
And when I think of my sister Annie, and how 
really good she was 

Prothero. Strike an average ! She was 
good enough for both of you. Thank God 
there was so much goodness in the family. 
Come, drop it ! It's all done with ! There's 
only one step between a rogue and an honest 
man, and I've taken that step, once and for 
all! 



56 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Enter Palmer, brmging a lady's visiting card 
on tray. 

Palmer. Lady wishes to see you, sir. 

Prothero. Another of 'em ! I can't see 
her. Tell her that the constant exercise of my 
powers of second-sight has completely shattered 
my nervous system. My physician has posi- 
tively forbidden me to use them upon all ordi- 
nary subjects. Has Mr. Lambert called ? 

Palmer. No, sir. 

Prothero. Show him up when he does. 

Palmer. Yes, sir. There's a shabby party 
in the hall, sir. He says you've lost a diamond 
stud and he's found it, and he won't give it up 
to any one but you. 

Prothero. I've not lost any diamond stud. 

Palmer. No, sir. 

Prothero. Show him the door, and take 
care of the coats and umbrellas. 

Palmer. Yes, sir. And you can't see this 
lady to-morrow or at any time ? 

Prothero {impatimily'). No, no. I cannot. 
I will not wreck my nervous system to satisfy 
their idle curiosity. Tell that to all of them. 
(^Exit Palmer.) I say, Lizzie ! I gave up the 
fortune-telling business just in time. You re- 
member that Mrs. Enderfield that we couldn't 
get to know anything about ? 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 57 

Miss J. The pretty little dark woman ? 

Prothero. Yes. I plunged into her do- 
mestic experiences and put my foot in it. Her 
husband came and kicked up a devil of a row ; 
wanted to shoot me. I'm well out of it, Lizzie. 
Lucky these mines turned up just in time ! 

Miss J. George, don't you think we'd bet- 
ter 

Prothero. Now I know what's coming — 
He's going to bob up again. Shut him up ! 
Shut him up ! Put him in his box. 

Miss J. Is George coming this afternoon ? 

Prothero. Yes. I asked him to lunch, but 
he wouldn't come. 

Miss J. Why not? 

Prothero. He won't accept my hospitality. 
He won't let me put any good things in his 
way. He only comes because he thinks that 
I can tell him something about his father and 
mother. 

Miss J. But you won't ? 

Prothero. Yes, I shall — some day. 

Miss J. No, no, George. Our promise to 
Annie — you know it was a sacred promise when 
she took him and educated him that we would 
never claim him. 

Prothero. Promises ! Pancakes ! I'm 
going to claim my son. He's clever, Lizzie. 
He's clever. I sneaked into court the other 



58 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ii 

day and heard him plead. Oh ! he's clever — I 
can't help feeling proud of him, though he 
does come here and insult me. By Jove, 
Lizzie, there must be a lot of latent honesty 
in me to be the father of a boy like that ! I 
suppose honesty's like the gout, it runs in 
certain families for several generations, and 
then it skips a generation. It tried to skip 
me, and nearly succeeded. 

Miss J. George, you won't tell him? 

Prothero. Why not? 

Miss J. He has set his heart upon this 
girl. If we keep quiet, and he's successful at 
the bar, I feel sure Lady Clarabut will give 
her consent in a year or two. But if we tell 
him 

Prothero. What then ? 

Miss J. He knows that there is something 
disreputable connected with his father and 
mother. He'll never rest till he finds out 
what it is. 

Prothero. We'll tell him ourselves. We 
can skip the worst, and let ourselves down 
gently. 

Miss J. {shakes heady He'll drag it all 
out. 

Prothero. Well ? What if he does ? 

Miss J. He'll be bound in honour either 
to tell Lady Clarabut or 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 59 

Prothero. Honour ! Pancakes ! Let him 
keep his mouth shut and marry the girl. 

Miss J. He won't do that. He'll give her 
up. And what will he think of us ? What 
will he think of me ? How he will hate and 
despise me ! 

Prothero. He shan't despise you, Lizzie. 
If he must have a parent to despise, let him 
take it out of me. But, wait a few months, 
till I've made my pile, and we've moved into 
our house in Park Lane. Then I'll heap coals 
of fire on his head ! Wait, wait ! He won't 
refuse to be my heir. He can't be so honest 
as all that ! Yes, wait till the right moment 
comes, and we'll own our boy, and he shall 
own us, too ! Now, about our wedding 

Miss J. I suppose we shall have to be re- 
married ? 

Prothero. Of course we must. Lucky 
devil I am to marry a woman like you twice 
over ! 

Miss J. It won't be illegal, will it? 

Prothero. Not a bit. The more married 
we are the more respectable we become. 
We'll hurry things up. We'll have a splendid 
turn-out this time, old girl, very different from 
our first wedding. Lord Bicester has got a 
cousin a bishop. I wonder whether we could 
nobble the bishop for the ceremony ? 



60 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Enter Palmer, with letter on tray. 

Palmer. The shabby party has come back, 
sir, and asked me to give you this. 

(Prothero takes letter^ which is written 

on a dirty sheet of note-paper^ enclosed 

in a dirty envelope, opens it, shows 

annoyance, with shade of fright.') 

Palmer. He says he's sure you'll see 

him, sir. 

Prothero {Jiaving glanced through letter). It's 
all right, Palmer — I have lost a diamond stud. 
Show the man up. (^Exit Palmer.) 

Prothero. (^Gives letter to Miss Jenison, in 
an alarmed whisper.) It's Bob Gushing. 
Miss J. Gushing ! What will you do ? 

( Takifig letter. ) 
Prothero. S'hush ! 

Opens door R., motions her in, puts finger 
on lip, closes door after her ; turns to 
the other door, where Mr. Robert 
Gushing enters, shown in by Palmer, 
who withdraws, closing the door after 
him. 
Mr. Robert Gushing is a disreputable 
personage of about fifty -five, with face 
giving evidences of past joviality, dis- 
sipation and depravity ; unshaven, very 
shabbily dressed in a dirty, light, long 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 61 

coatj with capacious pockets in front 
and also behind. This coat buttons 
over a very dirty flannel shirt. He 
has no waistcoat and no tie. A limp^ 
dirty white collar^ black, shiny, greasy, 
frayed trousers ; a shabby, shapeless, 
low black hat, with a very narrow 
brim ; old boots, showing a bit of 
stockings at the toe ; baiid of crape on 
his arm. He enters, looks round in 
amazement at the rooni, whistles as- 
tonishment,') 
CusH. Georgy, dear old pal, your diggings? 
Prothero (^curtly). No ; belongs to a 
friend of mine. What do you want here ? 

CusH. Well, I happened to be passing — I 
saw you come in — I knew I should be wel- 
come 

Prothero. Whom did you ask for down- 
stairs ? 

CusH. Well, I didn't ast for Mr. Long- 
Firm Jackman. I ast for the guv'ner, not 
knowing exactly what your name is — at pres- 
ent. (^Looking again round the room.) So you 
ain't the guv'ner, then ? 

Prothero. No. Pm here for a few days 
till my friend comes back. Bob, where can I 
see you to-night on important business ? 
CusH. Outside the old place in Soho ? 



62 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Prothero. Right. Be there at ten. Clear 
out now. 

(^Goes to door, tries to get Gushing to- 
wards it. ) 

CusH. Wait a bit, Georgy. You needn't 
be in such a hurry to get rid of me. 

Prothero. Well, what the devil do you 
want ? 

CusH. Well, look at me ! What is there I 
don't want ? It ain't kind of you to show me 
the door the first blessed minute I meet you. 
(^A little snivel.) And such pals as we always 
was ! And after all I've suffered. 

(^A little snivel.') 

Prothero. Well, what have you suf- 
fered ? 

CusH. (^Edging towards table.) Suffered? 
Oh, Lord ! Gracious goodness ! Well ! There ! 
What haven't I suffered ? And the worst of 
all is the utter want of self-respect. That's 
what's the matter with me, Georgy. {By this 
time he has got to luncheon table, and is peering 
amongst the dishes and bottles.) Does there hap- 
pen to be a toothful of anything wet about ? 
(^Takes up tankard, dri?iks ; after a mouthful 
removes it from his lips.) Golly ! Fizz ! {Drains 
it, and seats himself co??ifortably on end chair, 
which is turned towards audience. Prothero 
shows great disgust and impatience.) Suffered ! 



ACT 11 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 63 

Well ! There ! The trouble I've had would 
have broke the heart of a bullock. 

(^During the following scene Prothero 
shows great disgust and impatience^ 
a7id gives vent to contempttious excla- 
mations. Gushing eyes the things on 
the table ^ and, as Prothero' s back is 
turned, drops a box of cigars and a 
couple of spoons into his poeket at 
suitable mo7nents. ) 
CusH (^continuijig). My poor, dear wife, 
Georgy ! You knew her. She always admired 
you. She said if it came to sheer intellect, 
that old Gladstone wasn't in it with you ! Ah ! 
(/i* overcofne with reminiscences.) What that 
dear martyr endured ! 

Prothero {curtly). What was the matter 
with her? 

Cush. Internal complications. Oh, Lord ! 
Her poor dear legs swelled till they was as 
thick as my body. Gracious goodness ! Well ! 
There ! {Drops a spoon into his pocket.) And 
now she's gone ! {Cries a little). 

Prothero. Gone ? ! I should think she 
is ! And very glad she must have been to get 
the chance ! 

Cush. Why so, Georgy ? 
Prothero. You were always beating and 
kicking her, and swearing at her. 



64 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

CusH. That's it, Georgy ! That's it, dear 
old pal ! It's that what makes it so hard to 
bear. The memory of what that poor dear 
angel went through, and all along of me ! And 
how she loved me for it ! Oh, Lord ! Gra- 
cious goodness ! Well ! There ! {Cries.^ 
Prothero, When did she die ? 
CusH. Two years ago last January. I 
wouldn't tell you a lie about it. 

(^At this moment his hand is toying, as if 
carelessly, with a spoon which is near 
him on the table. Prothero remarks 
the action, goes behind him, lifts his 
hand carefully away from the table, and 
places it on his chest in front of him. 
Prothero then glances over the table, 
fnisses the articles that have go7ie.^ 
Prothero {ordinary voice'). Get up, Bob. 
CusH. Eh ? 
Prothero. Get up ! 
CusH. Me ? 

Prothero {makes move7nent to indicate him 
to rise. Gushing rises reluctantly). Turn out 
your pockets. 
Gush. Eh ? 

(Prothero poi?its peremptorily to his 
pockets. Gushing draws out a box 
of cigars. Prothero takes it and 
places it on the table, comes back again. 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 65 

points peremptorily to Gushing' s pock- 
ets. Gushing then more reluctantly 
draws out two spoons. Prothero 
takes them, places them on table, 
glances round to see that all is safe, 
moves Gushing' s chair right away 
from the table. ) 
Prothero. Have you anything more to 
say ? 

Gush. Well, dear old pal, what am I to 
do? That's the question as confronts me. I 
ast you that. Look there ! (^Opens his coat 
and shows an absence of waistcoat.^ My coat's 
away for four bob {producing pawn-ticket.') 
There's the ticket ! — I wouldn't tell you a lie 
about it. What am I to do, old pal ? 

(Prothero looks at him for some seconds.) 
Prothero. Do you think you've sense 
enough to hold your tongue and honesty enough 
to be honest to me — if I trusted you? 

Gush. Fll try, Georgy. I think I could 
be honest — if I tried. And if it was made 
worth my while. 

Prothero {looking him up and down). 
You're a sweet-looking object ! I shall have 
to fake you up a good bit. 

Gush. Don't you be afraid of that, dear 
old pal ! I can pass muster for a gentleman 
anywhere, and in any company, providin' I'm 



66 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

togged out, and keep my blessed mouth 
shut. 

Prothero. Keep it shut altogether. Now ! 
You'll start for South Africa at once, and 
you'll watch another man I'm sending out and 
cable me exactly what he's doing. 

CusH. Right. And what will the remu- 
neration be ? 

Prothero. Not a farthing. Just your ex- 
penses till your work is done. Then if you've 
done it well and kept your mouth shut, leave 
it to me. 

CusH. All right, Georgy. I throw myself 
on your honour — and, I say, have you got 
such a thing as a decent coat and an 'at with 
a little shape in it? {Showing his hat. Pro- 
thero rings bell.) And just a quid — or a 
fiver — make it a fiver, dear old Georgy — for 
the sake of old times. How's the missus ? — 
you'll excuse my not asting for her before 

Prothero {giving him a note). Yes, if 
you never ask for her again. 

Entei' Palmer. 

Prothero. Palmer, this man has found a 
diamond stud of mine. Give him the old 
overcoat and hat that Pve left off, and show 
him the door. 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 67 

Palmer. Yes, sir. Lady Clarabut and 
Miss Clarabut have just driven up, sir. 

(Gushing shows i7iterest at mention of 
Lady Clarabut's name.) 
Prothero. Show them up. Palmer. (^Exit 
Palmer.) Now be off. I'll give you all the 
particulars when I see you to-night. 

(Gushing has got towards table and is 
eyeing the spoons. Prothero glances 
sharply at him.) 
Gush. I hope you'll look over the spoons, 
Georgy — it ain't that I'm bad by nature, its 
only my prepensities ! — you know that. As a 
kid I was most respectable — and pious ! But 
what did I do ? I went and broke my dear 
old father's and mother's hearts — I did — both 
of 'em. And what followed ? Loss of self- 
respect ! That's what's so hard to bear, Georgy 

— the total absence of all self-respect ! (^Glanc- 
ing down at his clothes. ) Look at my trousis 
and boots! Nobody — I don't care who he is 

— not even the Prince of Wales couldn't re- 
spect himself in a pair of bags like this ! Oh 
Lord ! Gracious goodness ! Well ! There ! 

{^Exit.) 

Re-enter Miss Jenison, r. 

Miss J. Well ! 

Prothero. It's all right. He doesn't know 
who I am now. 



68 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Miss J. What are you going to do with 
him ? 

Prothero. Pack him off to South Africa, 
and get him to watch my friend Sydenham. 
He may be a lot of use to me out there, and 
he can't do me any harm. I shall be able to 
keep a check on Syddy, and Fll astonish all 
the others by telling them exactly what Syddy 
is doing. 

Miss J. But if Gushing finds out you are — 

Prothero. I'll start him to-morrow before 
he gets a chance. I'll see to that. And once I 
get him on the other side of the world, it's hard 
if my little cherub and I between us can't keep 
him there. Hush, Lady Clarabut. I'll intro- 
duce the future Mrs. Bailey Prothero. 

Re-enter Palmer, showmg in Lady Clarabut 

and Nina. 

Palmer (^announces ^. Lady Clarabut and 
Miss Clarabut. . (^Exit Palmer.) 

Lady C. I told you I should call, Mr. 
Prothero. Miss Jenison ! 

(^Showing a little surprise). 

Prothero. Yes. You are aware that I have 
lately taken advantage of my extraordinary 
powers to make some very profitable specula- 
tions. My nervous system is completely shat- 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 69 

tered, and I have therefore decided to spend 
the evening of my life in dignified retirement 
in — in Park Lane, surrounded by my friends 
and those whom I have helped to prosperity. 
I shall need some one to entertain my friends 
— Miss Jenison has done me the honour to 
promise to become Mrs. Bailey Prothero. 

Lady C. I congratulate you — I congratu- 
late you both. 

Miss J. Good-bye, Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. Good-bye. 

Miss J. Good-bye, Nina. 

Nina. Good-bye. 

(Miss Jenison kisses Nina, who is a 
little surprised, but accepts the kiss 
without returning it.^ 

Enter Palmer. 
Palmer. Mr. Lambert. 

Enter George, looks a little surprised at 
seeing Miss Jenison. 

Prothero. May I present you to my fu- 
ture wife, Miss Jenison ? 

George. How d'ye do. Miss Jenison ? 

(^Shaking hands.) 

Miss J. Won't you congratulate me, Mr. 
Lambert ? 



70 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

George (^forced to say it~). I — I congratu- 
late you. {A little awkward pause. ) 

Prothero. My brougham is in the stables 
— I'll get 3^ou a cab, dear. 

{Exit, followed by Miss Jenison, who 
turns and looks at George as she 
goes off.) 

George {follows her a step or two, then turns 
to look at Lady Clarabut afid Nina, who by 
look and gesture express that they share his as- 
tonishfnent). This is a strange move on the 
part of our friend — {Advances, shakes hands with 
Lady Clarabut and Nina.) Is this the first 
you have heard about it ? 

Lady C. Yes. He has been a good deal 
lately at my sister's v^ith Tommy, but I had 
no idea Miss Jenison was the attraction. How- 
ever, it's a very good match for her, and I 
don't blame her. The man has really made 
a heap of money. I met him at dinner the 
other night at Lord Winchendon's 

George. He dines at Lord Winchendon's ? 

Lady C. The rascal dines everywhere. 
Lord Winchendon made five thousand pounds 
out of the tip he gave him that night. He 
shall dine with me at the same rate, every 
night of the year. That's what I've come 
about. 

George. Then you're bitten at last ? 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 71 

Lady C. My dear Mr. Lambert, for the 
last four months I have gone about prid- 
ing m3^self upon my moral superiority to 
all my friends in keeping aloof from this 
dreadful speculation. Meantime all my 
friends have been making fortunes, and now 
I find myself out in the cold with empty 
pockets. 

Nina. You have your moral superiority, 
mamma. 

Lady C. No, my dear. It's all used up. 
I've reconsidered the whole matter, and I've 
come to the conclusion that gambling is only 
immoral when you lose. If everybody always 
won, gambling would be a great national pen- 
sion fund for all of us. Therefore, to the 
extent that you win, gambling is a virtue. 
I'm going to practice that virtue. 

Re-enter Prothero. 

Lady C. Mr. Prothero has promised to 
give me some information about this new 
investment bank of his. 

Prothero. Delighted, Lady Clarabut. If 
you'll step this way. {^Going to door, r.) 

(Lady Clarabut hesitates, glances at 
George and Nina.) 
Prothero. You wish for Mr. Lambert's 



72 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

advice again ? I hoped by this time I had 
convinced both you and Mr. Lambert. 

Lady C. Oh, it's not that. But — can't 
you give me the information here? 

Prothero. No. I wish to give you facts 
and figures. {He opens door ; she still hesitates. ) 
You needn't hesitate. A good many thousand 
pounds have been made in this little den the 
last few months. {Pointing in.) Will you 
walk in ? 

{She enters. He looks back at George 
and Nina as he goes in after her.) 

George. This man puzzles me more and 
more. I'm sure he's a thorough rogue, and 
yet 

Nina. And yet ? 

George. He prospers. 

Nina. Oh, but that's a very old experience, 
isn't it ? 

George. Yes. But it's terribly discourag- 
ing to people who wish to be honest — that 
is, if there is any living for honest men in 
this world. 

Nina. Ah, don't say that ! You've been 
very successful so far, and I'm sure you have 
been honest. 

George. Yes, up to the present I've kept 
thoroughly honest. Miss Clarabut, give me 
your advice 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 73 

Nina. Advice to a lawyer? Isn't that your 
own specialty ? Isn't that what you sell to 
other people ? 

George. Yes, but I don't ask you to sell 
this. Give it to me, and I promise you I'll act 
upon it. 

Nina. Tell me the circumstances. 

George. This man has been at me the 
last four months. He has offered to put me 
on to what he calls "good things." He has 
sent for me to-day to offer me business con- 
nected with this company of his, — which I 
believe to be not very much removed from a 
swindle. You see the fix I'm in. I want to 
make money. You know why. I want to win 
the girl I love. If I were rich and successful 
I think her father and mother would give her 
to me in spite of the uncertainty about my 
people. But I don't want to make money in a 
left-handed way ? 

Nina. And this would be a left-handed 
way ? 

George. Yes. This Prothero knows I sus- 
pect him. That's the reason he's so confound- 
edly civil to me. He wants to inveigle me into 
his speculations ; he wants to buy me, so that 
he can shut my mouth if I get to know any- 
thing about him. 

Nina. Very well. Don't let him buy you. 



74 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Though every man has his price — Isn't 
that so? 

George. No, that's not so ! There's no 
price would buy me, if I knew that she would 
despise me if I sold myself. 

Nina. If she's a nice girl, she'd rather 
wait a little longer and know that it was all 
quite — quite on the square. 

George. Thank you. It shall be all 
quite — quite on the square. 

Re-enter Lady Clarabut and Prothero. 

Lady C. Very well, Mr. Prothero. I'll take 
your advice. 

Prothero. Understand me, I do not guar- 
antee you these large profits. Those who 
take my opinion do so entirely at their own 
risk. 

Lady C. Oh, I'm quite prepared to lose my 
mone3^ 

George. I hope you're not going to specu- 
late largely. Lady Clarabut. 

Lady C. Yes, I've made up my mind to 
have one tremendous flutter — don't you call 
it ? — and then stop. Come, Nina. 

Prothero. I wish you and Miss Clarabut 
would dine with me one evening, and go to 
the play. 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 75 

Nina. Oh, we're full for next week, aren't 
we, mamma ? 

Prothero. The week after, then. Perhaps 
Mr. Lambert would join us ? Will you fix an 
evening ? 

Lady C. What evening are we disengaged, 
Nina ? 

Nina. Your book is at home — hadn't we 
better leave it ? 

(^Glances inquiringly at George.) 

George. I fear I cannot promise. 

(Prothero shows disappointment.') 

Lady C. I'll look at my engagement book, 
Mr. Prothero, and let you know. 

Prothero {to Nina, detaining her). You 
never gave me an opportunity of telling you 
what your future will be. 

Nina. What will it be ? 

Prothero. A very happy one, I hope, with 
all my heart. I should like to think that I 
had helped to make it so ? 

Nina. I don't see how that is possible. 

Prothero. If Lady Clarabut's venture 
turns out well, as I feel sure it will, will you 
remember that I wished for your happiness, 
and that I did all I could to bring it about ? 

( Offering his hand. ) 

Nina (Jakes hand, not very cordially). Thank 
you ; that's kind of you. 

(Prothero rings bell.) 



76 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

Lady C. (^shaking hands with George). 
Now, Nina, we'll drive to Mr. Reffell's and 
make the plunge. If I lose — oh! 

George. What then ? 

Lady C. I shall hold my tongue, reassume 
my moral superiority, and think what a very 
foolish woman I've been* 

George. And if you win ? 

(Palmer appears at door.) 

Lady C. Then I shall invest my winnings 
in consols, reassume my moral superiority, and 
think what a very clever woman I've been. 
Wish me luck, Mr. Lambert ! 

{Exeunt Lady Clarabut and Nina, 
followed by Palmer.) 

Prothero (^watches them off, then very cor- 
dially to George). Sit down, Mr. Lambert. 
I'm sorry you couldn't come to lunch. 

George. I was engaged. 

Prothero. You generally are engaged 
when I invite you. 

George. Yes — unfortunately. 

Prothero. What can I offer you? Coffee? 
Liqueur ? Whiskey and soda ? 

George. Nothing, thank you. 

Prothro. You smoke ? 

George. If you don't mind. 

Prothero {offering cigars'). Try these — 
they're rather special. 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 77 

George {taking out cigar-case from his own 
pockety. Thank you, I always smoke one par- 
ticular sort, and those I carry with me. 
(George lights cigar. Prothero shows that 
he is hurt.) Now, Mr. Prothero ! 

Prothero. I've been speaking about you 
to our lawyers. I've asked them to put all 
the business they can in your way. 

George. Thank you. {A little pause.) 

Prothero. If you have a few hundreds 
or thousands lying idle, buy as many as you 
can of our Bank shares. 

George. Thank you ; I daren't risk the 
little money that I have saved. 

Prothero. It's no risk. They must go 
up. And I'll tell you when to sell out. 

George. Thank you, I never speculate. 
{Pause. Prothero shows vexation.) 

Prothero. Then you won't allow me to 
do you a good turn ? 

George. Oh, yes. But first of all, why 
do you wish to do me a good turn? 

Prothero. I don't understand you. 

George. Either one of two things, Mr. 
Prothero. Either you are acting from pure 
kindness and goodness of heart towards a 
stranger — or — you are acting from interested 
motives. 

Prothero. You don't think I could act 



78 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

from pure kindness and goodness of heart 
towards a young fellow whom I like, a fine- 
spirited, handsome young fellow — {laying his 
hand affectionately on George's shoulder') — who 
can look the world in the face — (George edges 
away from him with a movement of repulsion) — 
I want to help you ! I want to advance you 
in the world ! I want you to marry this girl. 
Didn't you notice how I got the old lady out 
of the way just now ? I want you to be 
happy and rich and powerful ! And I'll show 
you the way ! I like you, and I respect you ! 
Can't you try to like me and respect me a little? 
Can't you trust me? 

(^Again affectionately laying his hand on 
George's shoulder. Again George 
moves away.) 

George. Give me some reason for respect- 
ing and trusting you. Show me that you are 
an upright, honourable man, and I'll ask your 
pardon, and own that I've been mistaken in you. 

Prothero. Then you don't think I am an 
upright, honourable man ? 

George {firmly). No, Mr. Prothero, I don't. 

Prothero {shows pain). Why not ? 

George. I'll be quite frank with you. I'll 
lay all my cards on the table. You remember 
the first night I met you at Lady Dover- 
green's ? 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 79 

Prothero. Yes. 

George. You told me several things about 
my childhood which impressed me very deeply. 
I called the next day and asked you how you 
became possessed of j^our information. 

Prothero. Well, I told you. 

George. That you had a peculiar gift of 
seeing the past and the future, and by that 
mysterious power you saw things that had hap- 
pened to me over twenty years ago ? 

Prothero. Yes. 

George. Do you still give me that ex- 
planation ? 

Prothero (^slight pause). Yes. 

(George smiles and shrugs his shoulders.) 

Prothero {rather angrily). You don't be- 
lieve me ? 

George. No, I don't, Mr. Prothero. 

Prothero {cofnes up to him, threateningly). 

You tell me I'm a liar! — How dare you 

( Takes a turn or two very angrily. ) 

George. Pll tell you why I don't believe 
you. I tested you about my later life. I 
found you thoroughly, hopelessly at sea. I 
sent other people to test you 

Prothero. You laid a trap for me ? 

George. A trap, Mr. Prothero ? Isn't it 
your business ? Don't you challenge inquiry ? 

Prothero. Whom did you send ? 



80 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

George. Don't you know ? Can't you tell 
me ? Colonel Vanstone, Sir John Leeming, 
Mrs. Enderfield. You were hopelessly, thor- 
oughly at sea in every case. 

Prothero. My powers sometimes fail me. 

George. Just so. They do. They fail you 
at the exact point at which you don't know 
and can't give a good guess. 

Prothero. So you tell me to my face that 
Pm a swindler and a liar ! 

George. Do you claim that you have this 
extraordinary power? — (^He pauses.') Yes or 
no, Mr. Prothero ? 

Prothero. Yes ! (^A little firmer. ) Yes ! 
Yes ! 

George. And you knew the events of my 
childhood by that power and that alone ? 
(Prothero falters.) Be careful — yes or no? 

Prothero. Yes. Don't I tell you? Yes! 
Yes! 

George {rises quietly, takes up his hat). 
Thank you. Good-day, Mr. Bailey Pro- 
thero. 

Prothero. No — {stops hi7n). Why do you 
come here and insult me ? Sit down ! I tell 
you I have this power ! Can't you see the evi- 
dences of it ? Look all round ! Pm coining 
money! Pm making my thousands ! Pm giv- 
ing fortunes to all my friends. Isn't that 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 81 

sufficient answer? Won't you come in with 
me, you young fool? 

George. Thank you for showing me your 
hand so plainly, Mr. Prothero. But I'm not 
to be bought. 

Prothero. Bought ! 

George. You know that I see through 
you, — you offer me this chance of feathering 
my nest, to shut my mouth. But I tell you 
plainly, I think I have a better game to play, I 
think it will answer my purpose better in the 
long run to keep clear of you and expose you 
for the rogue I know you to be. 

Prothero. What ! 

Enter Miss Jenison, shown in by Palmer, 
who withdraws. 

Miss J. {a pause'). What is the matter? 

George (^looks from one to the other). Miss 
Jenison, you were a friend of my aunt. 

Miss J. No, only a very slight acquaint- 
ance. 

George. Did you ever hear her speak of 
my father or mother ? 

Miss J. No. 

George. And you had no personal knowl- 
edge of them yourself. 

Miss J. Not the least. Why ? 



82 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ii 

George. You know how necessary it is for 
me to know all about my parents. 

Miss J. I wish I could help you. I'm 
sorry I can't. 

George. Good-bye. 

Miss J. Good-bye. 

{Shaking hands. George is going.) 

George {turtis at door). I think I ought to 
tell you, Mr. Prothero, that I have been 
making some inquiries about you. 

Entei' Palmer. 

Palmer. The shabby party has come back, 
sir, and says he must see you at once. 

Enter Gushing, shaven^ with a respectable tall 
hat, and an overcoat which does not fit him. 
He gives a glance of surprised recognition at 
Miss Jenison, bows to her. George is 
watching. 

Prothero {to Gushing). What the devil do 
you mean by coming in here ? 

Gushing. Beg pardin', Mr. Bailey Prothero 
{with significant emphasis). I found this enve- 
lope in the pocket of the overcoat you was 
kind enough to give me 

Prothero {takes envelope, destroys it). Take 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 83 

this man into your pantry, Palmer. I'll speak 
to him downstairs. 

(Palmer points off. Gushing makes an 
elaborate bow to Miss Jenison. She 
takes no notice. George is watching 
keenly. Exit Gushing, followed by 
Palmer.) 

George {is following quickly'). Good -day, 
Mr. Prothero. 

Prothero {stops him). No, one moment, 
Mr. Lambert. Let me understand. You have 
been making inquiries about me? 

George. I have tried to learn all I can 
about your previous career. 

Prothero. Indeed. And how much have 
you learned ? 

George. Up to the present next to noth- 
ing. But I shall continue my inquiries till I 
do learn something. Good-day. {Going.) 

Prothero {rings bell). You'll find you are 
very much mistaken in me. I hope you'll 
learn to know me better. 

George {shrugs shotdders significantly). I 
hope so, Mr. Prothero. I sincerely hope so. 
I hope I shall get to know you very well in- 
deed, and be the means of letting other people 
know you, too ! {Exit. ) 

Prothero {enraged). He insults me ! He 
threatens me ! The young cub, I'll read him 



84 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ii 

a lesson ! I'll teach him to love and respect 
me — he shall — or, if he won't, damn him, let 
him rake out the past, and let it come tum- 
bling down over his head and ears as well as 

mine! I'll — I'll 

{Standitig angrily at door, looking after 
George.) 

Miss J. {^goes to him very appealingly). Dear, 
be ruled by me ! Gushing has found you out ! 
George suspects you ! Our house of cards is 
tumbling ! Let's go while we have time ! 

Prothero. Turn tail? Not I! 

Miss J. Yes ! Yes ! We've enough to 
make us happy for all our life in some place 
whei^ we are not known. Let's take it, and 
leave London at once. If we stay we shall 
be discovered and disgraced ! George, listen 
to me ! Our luck has gone ! This is the end 
of it ! I know I'm right ! Something warns 
me that 

Prothero (^fiercely'). Shut him up ! Put 
him in his box! I'll have none of that! 
(^Gesture of despair and resignation from Miss 
Jenison.) (Very tenderly.) Lizzie, don't give 
way, old girl ! Don't be a wet blanket on me 
now, just as I've got the world at my feet — 
yes, the world, for London is the world, and 
I'm leading all the fools in London by the 
nose ! Can't you see them dancing to my 



ACT II THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 85 

tune? (^She looks at him frightened.') Buck up, 
old girl ! Buck up ! You drank to our past ! 
Drink to our future ! I'll get rid of that 
beast Gushing ! I'll knock the sawdust out 
of Master George ! We'll take this house in 
Park Lane ! You shall have carriages, gee- 
gees, dresses, toggery, diamonds, anything 
you please ! My luck isn't going to change ! 
It can't ! It shan't ! My little cherub's up 
there looking after me ! Here's good luck to 
my luck ! I'll stick to my luck ! 

(^She stands looking at him frightened. ) 

Curtain. 
(^Six months pass between Acts II. and III. ) 



ACT III 

Scene — Reception- Rooms at No. 56 
Park Lane 

A very handsome dra'wing-7'oom with two arch- 
ways at back, showing an inner drawing-room, 
and behind that a conservatory. Between the 
archways a fire-place, with fire lighted. A 
door down stage r. The whole brilliantly 
lighted and handsojnely furnished. 

Discover Palmer, now the butler. 

First Footman enters hurriedly through l. 
archway, with account in his hand. 

Footman. Here's another pretty go ! The 
florist has sent round his bill with this here 
message, if you please. "Master's compli- 
ments to Mr. Bailey Prothero, and Mr. Bailey 
Prothero can't have any more flowers unless 
Mr. Bailey Prothero sends the money for 
what he's had already." 
(86) 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 87 

Palmer. What did you do? 

Footman. I tried to cod him. I says, 
''What do you mean by your impidence ? " 
I says, "We're giving a grand reception 
to-night," I says, ''and we must have the 
flowers. You go and fetch them this very 
instant," I says, "and this will be the last 
time that we shall patronise your establish- 
ment." 

Palmer. What did he say? 

Footman. He laid his finger on the tip 
of his nose, gave vent to an ironic smile, and 
carted off the flowers without so much as say- 
ing a word. 

Palmer. I tell you what, William Chubb, 
it's all U. P. with Bailey Prothero. 

Footman. I'm afraid it is, Mr. Palmer. 

Palmer Pve seen it coming for months, 
William, ever since we married, and set up 
in Park Lane. But I didn't expect the smash 
would come so sudden as this. 

Footman. And on the night of our recep- 
tion, too? 

Palmer. This reception is a plant, Wil- 
liam, to throw dust in people's eyes, and keep 
up the impression that we are flourishing as 
usual. I heard him talking it over to her on 
the night of the slump. He says, "We'll give 
a big night reception, and we'll ask every 



88 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

blessed swell we know," he says; '*we must 
keep the ball rolling," he says. 

Footman. He is a corker, ain't he ? Has 
he come in yet ? 

Palmer. No, not unless he's sneaked in 
by the back staircase. {Indicating r.) Curi- 
ous his not coming in to dinner. He'll have 
to look sharp. {Taking out watch.') He's got 
to dress yet, and the folks will be coming in 
half an hour. 

Footman. Where's she? 

Palmer {points to door, r. ). In there with 
her nose glued to the window panes, watch- 
ing for him. 

Footman. Hadn't I better take this bill 
in to her? 

Palmer. What's the good ? I know she 
ain't got any, for I heard her greening her 
milliner this afternoon. 

Enter fro7n archway Second Footman, with 
paper in hand. 

Sec. Foot. Have you seen this? They 
do let him have it. 

Palmer {takes paper, looks down, First 
Footman looking on'). Phew! My eye! 
That's hot ! Don't they give it to him ! 

Sec. Foot. Gunter's chaps are talking 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 89 

about it downstairs. The}^ say he ain't no 
better nor a common swindler. 

{Exit at archway, L, ) 

Palmer {reading paper). Ho ! Ho ! Ho ! 
I say ! I say ! William, there will be a big 
bust up at 56 Park Lane before long. 

First Foot. What about our wages ? 

Palmer. Oh, we shall be all right. Bailey 
Prothero may be the biggest swindler that 
ever walked the earth, but he does chuck 
his money about. I will say that for him. 
It may not be his own, but he does chuck 
it about. 

First Foot. When he's got it ; but if he 
ain't got it, he can't chuck it about. And I 
begin to think our wages look fishy. 

Palmer. Think so, William ? 

{Looks grave and anxious.) 

First Foot. Nobody paid, can't even 
raise a tenner. Pve a good mind to 

Palmer. What? 

First Foot. Ask for my last month's 
wages, and if I don't get em, strike, and let 
myself loose amongst the champagne and 
Gunter's things. {Exit.) 

Enter, r., Miss Jenison, now Mrs. Prothero, 
in handsome evening dress, with Jewels ; her face 
showing signs of great distress and anxiety. 



90 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Mrs. p. (^eagerly). Hasn't Mr. Prothero 
returned, Palmer ? 

Palmer. No, ma'am, he has not. 

Mrs. p. {anxiously). Where can he be? 
Where can he be ? 

Palmer. Ah ! Just so ! Oh, where, and 
oh, where can he be ? That's what a good 
many folks would like to know. 

Mrs. p. {startled by his manner, turns round). 
Eh? 

Palmer. Look here, ma'am. I don't want 
to make myself nasty, if it can be anyways 
avoided. Pve lived in some of the best and 
some of the queerest families in London 

Mrs. p. What has this to do with me ? 

Palmer. So long as my wages are paid 
and I'm treated well, I don't inquire into your 
private characters. You may be as religious 
and as psalm-singing as you please ; or you 
may be no better than a set of swindlers — 
that ain't my business 

Mrs. p. What am I to understand by this ? 

Palmer. That there ain't no reception 
here to-night unless I get my wages first. 

Mrs. p. Mr. Prothero shall attend to you. 

Palmer. I hope so, ma'am. I shall want 
some of his attention. 

Mrs. p. How dare you, sir ? How dare 
you? 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 91 

Palmer. All right, ma'am ! You're only 
winding yourself up for nothing. There's all 
the servants ready to chuck it up and go on 
the rampage if I only tip 'em the wink. But 
you square me — there's plenty of things 
about — you ain't parted with all your jewellery 
— you square me, and I'll see you through 
to-night. 

Mrs. p. Go downstairs, sir! Go down- 
stairs ! 

Palmer (^seating himself comfortably in arm- 
chair). Thank you. This is good enough for 
me. (^She looks at him, bursts into tears, r.) 

Palmer {looks at her, suddenly jumps up, comes 
to her'). I beg your pardon, ma'am. I didn't 
mean it. You trust to me. I'll keep them in 
order downstairs. I'll see you through to- 
night, at any rate. You trust to me. 

{Exit through l. archway. 

Prothero, in frockcoat and overcoat, creeps on 
through archway, r. He is very pale, haggard, 
disordered, eyes rather wild. 

Mrs. p. {goes up to him very tenderly). 
George ! {He takes no notice.) George ! {He 
laughs.) George! What is it, dear? 

(Prothero turns round.) 

Prothero. The game's up, Lizzie ! My 



92 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT iii 

little cherub's tumbled off his perch. I can't 
raise a sixpence. 

Mrs. p. What can we do ? 

Prothero. Whatever you like. Pm good 
for anything and anywhere. We shall have 
to make a bolt. What fresh countries would 
you like to see, eh ? Italy ? Russia ? Aus- 
tralia ? — or Kingdom-come ? 

Mrs. p. George, you don't mean that ! 

Prothero. Why not ! As I drove along 
the Embankment this afternoon, the water 
looked rather chilly and very pea-soupy, but 
otherwise there was no objection to it. Why 
not, Lizzie ? Why not ? We've had a jolly 
good time of it together. We've eaten our 
cake — That reminds "me, — Pve had no 
dinner. 

Mrs. p. {rings bell). Dear, you're faint 
and hungry 

Prothero. No, not hungry — Pm past that. 
My tongue's like a bit of dried leather. I 
haven't had a morsel in my lips since I left 
home this morning. 

Enter Palmer. 

Mrs. p. Lay some dinner for Mr. Prothero 
in the morning-room. 

Prothero. No, Palmer, a snack of some- 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 93 

thing on a tray. Bring it here, and a bottle 
of champagne. Sharp ! {^Exit Palmer.) 

Mrs. p. My poor dear, what have you 
been doing all day ? 

Prothero. Racing all over London, trying 
to raise the wind. What a fool I was not to 
take your advice and sell out when Lady 
Clarabut did. What a fool I was ! But every- 
thing was booming. I could foresee a good 
many things, why the devil couldn't I foresee 
this confounded slump, and all the troubles 
out there ? Why couldn't I, Lizzie ? 

Mrs. p. Have you been to all of them ? 

Prothero. Yes. It's no use. My luck's 
gone, and the beggars know it. Not at home 
here, not at home there ! Kept waiting an 
hour at one place, and as good as kicked out 
at another. Lord Winchendon didn't want to 
see me, but — he did. My bank put him on 
his legs. He made thirty thousand pounds 
out of it, and married his daughter on the 
strength of it. ''This is most unfortunate, Mr. 
Prothero, but I always felt that the crash must 
come." ''Can't you advance me a few thou- 
sands. Lord Winchendon, just to tide me over 
this slump?" " Pm very sorry, but, really, 
agricultural depression has swallowed every 
available sixpence, really, it has. Pm so sorry. 
Good evening." "Good evening!" I sent 



94 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

him off with a flea in his ear. They're all 
alike. The men who grovelled to me three 
months ago won't know me to-day. That 
dirty little snob, Oberstein — he lickspittled 
me for a dinner — why, even he cut me! 

Enter Palmer, ivith a tray of sandwiches 
and a bottle of champagne. 

Mrs. p. Now, dear ! come and eat some- 
thing ! 

Prothero. What have you got there, 
Palmer ? 

Palmer. Sardine sandwich, quails in aspic, 
and a bottle of the eighty-four champagne. 

Prothero {takes out purse with notes). By 
the way. Palmer, Mrs. Prothero and I may be 
going for a long voyage to-morrow. 

Palmer. Indeed, sir ! 

Prothero. In case I should forget it, take 
these — ten, twenty, thirty — that will about 
settle all the wages that are due. Pay your- 
self and the others, and thank them for Mrs. 
Prothero and me. 

Palmer. Thank you, sir ! (^Going.') You 
are aware that it's half-past nine, sir, and 
the reception is for ten ! 

Prothero. I shall be ready. Palmer. 

(^Exit Palmer.) 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 95 

Mrs. P. Come, dear ! eat something ! 

Prothero. Pm not hungry. I can drink, 
though! (^Drinks; looks round the room.') 
Pretty room, isn't it ? (^Laughs.) Pretty deco- 
rations ! By the way, did we ever pay that 
man's bill? 

Mrs. p. George, don't you think we'd 
better postpone the reception ? 

Prothero. Postpone it ? What for ? We 
may never get the chance of going to another. 
I don't fancy many of them will turn up, but I 
won't disappoint those who do. {Drinking.') I 
feel better. What a good friend wine is ! 
Now, let's face the situation ! That little snob, 
Oberstein, cut me. 

Mrs. p. Mrs. Oberstein passed me in Bond 
street yesterday, and wouldn't recognize me. 

Prothero. We've grown too self-indulgent 
in these matters, Lizzie. We've become epi- 
cures in the esteem of our neighbours. Pve 
known the time when I could have borne the 
disrespect of all London without flinching. 
Pve known the time when, if any common, 
ordinary policeman had cut me dead, I 
shouldn't have cared a jot. Living in Park 
Lane has demoralised us, sapped our sturdy 
native virtue, Lizzie. It's perhaps as well we 
should be making a move. The question is — 
where ? You don't fancy Kingdom-come ; 



96 THE ROGUE'S CONEDY act hi 

neither do I, after three glasses of cham- 
pagne. 

Mrs. p. George, you're not drinking too 
much ? 

Prothero (^elated, a7id steadied by the wine'). 
Too much ? Not me ! You've known me take 
a good deal, but did you ever know me take 
too much ? That's one of the blessings Provi- 
dence has bestowed upon me — a good stomach 
and a good brain for my liquor. Look at my 
hand ! (^Holding out his hand.') It's as steady 
as a rock. However much I may take, my 
hand won't shake, and my heart won't quake in 
the morning. Pm dropping into poetry ! 
Things are rosier, Lizzie ! You've got all your 
jewels on? 

Mrs. p. All that I have left. 

Prothero. Don't take 'em off. Wear 'em 
constantly about you, in case of accident ; do 
you hear ? (^She nods.) Pve realised every- 
thing I could put my hand on. After all, 
things aren't so bad, Lizzie ! A year ago to- 
day we were worth nothing at all ; to-day, 
with your jewels, and what Pve got here 
{tapping pocket), we are worth some seven or 
eight hundred pounds — that is, if we can get 
clear away with it, which we will. ( Winks 
at her.) Let us glue ourselves to this 
fact, Lizzie — we are seven or eight hundred 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 97 

pounds better off to-day than we were twelve 
months ago. Meantime we have had a jolly 
year, and I'm going to have one more jolly 
evening before it's all over. Now I must go 
and dress. Come ! Buck up, old girl ! My 
little cherub's on his perch again. {Kisses 
her tenderly.) Buck up ! Buck up ! Let 'em 
come, I'm ready for 'em ! 

Exit by R. archway, and off R.) 

Enter Palmer, l. archway, announcing Mr. 
Lambert. Enter George. 

(^Exit Palmer.) 

George {shaking hands). You'll excuse my 
coming now. I'm not going to stay. 

Mrs. p. {disappointed). Not going to stay? 

George. No, I wish to have a word or two 
with you alone. I've heard of Mr. Prothero's 
losses. I came to say how sorry I am for you. 

Mrs. p. Thank you. 

George. You were kind to me when I 
was struggling and unknown. I owe what 
little success I have won to you. {Her face 
apart from him shows intense pleasure.) And 
indirectly I owe it to you that I may gain 
the dearest hope of my life. 

Mrs. p. Sir William and Lady Clarabut 
have accepted you ? 



98 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

George. Not absolutely. But they make 
me welcome, and I feel sure they'll give me 
Nina, if nothing turns up to show that I'm 
an undesirable son-in-law. 

Mrs. p. {shows pain at his last words, then 
turns to hi7?i). I'm so glad. I wish you 
happiness with all my heart {shaking hands 
warmly) — with all my heart. 

George. You make me very uncom- 
fortable ? 

Mrs. p. Why? 

George. I came to — I scarcely know how 
to say it — to put you on your guard? You 
married this man suddenly, knowing almost 
nothing of him. 

Mrs. p. Go on. 

George. Mrs. Prothero, I am on the point 
of tracing all his former life. At any moment 
I may be able to prove that he is something 
worse than an imposter. 

Mrs. p. What have you learned ? Tell 
me — please tell me. I can bear it. 

George. He was connected some years 
ago with a band of long-firm swindlers. 
They used many aliases. I don't know which 
name represents your husband, but one of 
them does. {She shows great concern.') For- 
give me. I know what a blow this must be 
to you. I wouldn't have come at this moment. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 99 

but I thought, now the bank has collapsed and 
he may be brought to account for that, I thought 
that if you needed a friend, if it became advisable 
for you to seek another home for a time 

Mrs. p. Thank you. Even if what you 
say is true, I shall never leave him. He is 
my husband, whatever he is. 

George. Then I can do nothing for you ? 

Mrs. p. Yes. You say I've done you a 
kindness. May I beg this favour of you, 
that if your suspicions should prove to be 
correct, you won't press matters against him 
for the present ? 

George. I promise you Pll take no measures 
against him without giving him fair warning. 

Mrs. p. Thank you ! That's all I ask ! 

George {takes her ha?id). Good-night, Mrs. 
Prothero. Pm very sorry for you. Rely on 
me to do nothing against you. 

{He kisses her hand. Exit through 
archway^ l.) 

Mrs. p. {stretches out her ha?id, after him 
with a vain, longing gesture three tivies.^ My 
son ! My son ! My son ! 

lie-enter Prothero, in evening dress. 

Prothero. Now, Liz, Pm as right as a 
trivet again. What's the matter with you ? 



100 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Mrs. p. George has been here ? 

Prothero. Good. Did you give him a 
copy of the fifth commandment ? 

Mrs. p. He says that he's on the point 
of tracing you out — at any moment he may 
discover everything 

Prothero {startled for a mofnent, the?i very 
calni). Good ! 

Mrs. p. George, let us get away at once 
— before 

Prothero. Not me. Pm going to stay 
and fight it out. Pve got a game to play 
yet, Liz — and Pm going to play it. Pve had 
just enough of Master George. Pve tried to 
be friends with him. Pve tried to make him 
love me. But he'll have nothing to do with 
me. Very well. Pm content. We'll drop the 
relationship. But don't let him meddle with 
me now, for if he does PU blow the gaff to 
Lady Clarabut and knock him to smithereens ! 
Shush ! 

Re-e?iter Palmer. 

Palmer. I beg pardon, sir, — that shabby 
party that found your diamond stud 

Prothero. What of him ? 

Palmer. He's been hanging about the 
place all the evening, and he says 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 101 

Enter Gushing at archway l., dressed in a 
cheap ready-made grey tweed frock suit, a 
red satin tie, and a black silk hat, very 
low in the crown and very wide afid much 
curled in the brim. 

CusH. {in altercation with First Footman, 
who appears). Oh yes, he will; Mr. Bailey 
Prothero will see his old friend R. C, won't 
you, Mr. Bailey Prothero ? 

Prothero. Yes, you blackguard. 

(^Motions to Palmer and Footman to 
withdraw. ) 

CusH. Blackguard, Georgy? Did I under- 
stand you to use the word '^ blackguard " ? 

Prothero. Yes, you blackguard. How 
dare you show your face here, after robbing 
me and selling me as you've done ? 

Cush. Robbing you, Georgy. After all 
your kindness ! Oh, don't think so bad of 
me, Georgy! Call me a blackguard, and I'll 
put up with it — if I must. But don't call 
me a thief ! I borrowed that last two hundred 
quid. 

Prothero. You stole it. I sent it to you 
in strict confidence to apply to a certain 
purpose. 

Cush. To the nobbling of sich and sich 
parties — Well, dear old pal, I applied it to a 



102 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

better purpose, viz. to keep myself out of 
quod. 

Prothero. Quod ? 

CusH. I'm wanted in Johannesburg. 

Prothero. They must be in a bad way out 
there to want you. What for ? 

CusH. What for ? That's it, dear old pal 
— what for ? I dun know ! Gracious good- 
ness ! Well! There! — with such luck as 
I've had, I might be wanted for anything, or 
everything. 

Prothero. What have you told Sydenham 
about me ? 

CusH. Sydenham? You don't sispect me, 
Georgy, of any hanky-panky with him ? 

Prothero. I've had a letter from him 
this morning. I can't understand it unless 
you've been blabbing my business to him. 
But he'll be here to-night, and then I shall 
know. 

CusH. O, Lord — Gracious goodness — 
Well ! There ! I ain't told him anything, 
Georgy, but of course he might have guessed 
things — for instance as it was you as sent 
me out there 

Prothero. You blackguard, you've sold 
me to him. Be off. 

CusH. Wait a bit, Georgy. 

Prothero. Be off. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 103 

CusH. Look here, Georgy, or I should say 
{turns suddenly vicious^ Mr. George Jackman. 
{Raising his voice.) If you don't assist me in 
my troubles, Mr. George Jackman, I shall be 
compelled to take the first chance, Mr. George 
Jackman, to inform 

Prothero. Stop, you fool, unless you 
want to get yourself five years as well as me. 
{Goes to archway, looks off, comes back, points 
R. ) Go in there. 

Enter Palmer. 

Palmer. Are you ready to receive visit- 
ors, sir? 

Prothero {to Gushing). Go in there. 
{Pointing R. ) Do you hear ? Go in there ! 
{Exit Gushing door r. very sulkily.') 

Prothero {to Palmer). Are the people 
coming. Palmer ? 

PaLxMer. Only Sir Thomas Dovergreen. 
He's talking to Mrs. Prothero at the head of 
the stairs. 

Prothero. Palmer, get William and Frank 
to help you. Take that blackguard {pointing 
R. ) by the scruff of the neck, pitch him down 
the back stairs, and kick him along the street 
ad lib. 

Palmer. Yes, sir. {Beckons at archway. 



104 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

The two Footmen enter. ) This way ; we've 
got a little job on here. 

(^Exeunt Palmer, William and Frank 

door R. Prothero listens, chuckles, 

listens, opeiis door R., bursts into 

laughter ; in the middle of it enter 

Tommy at archway l., ve7'y pale, 

seedy, and woe-bego?ie.) 

Prothero {stops laughing, closes door r., looks 

at Tommy, who stands ift middle of roo^n'). 

Hillo, what's the matter with you ? 

Tommy. I'm not well. Ever since the 
slump everything has disagreed with me. I've 
lived in druggists' shops the last fortnight. 
I've taken every pill and pick-me-up there is. 
{With sudden futile rage.') I tell you this, Mr. 
Bailey Prothero, I'm in an awful state. Look 
at my tongue. {Putting out tongue. ) 

Prothero. Ah ! Appetite not good ? 
Tommy. Appetite ! {Shouting.) Look here, 
Mr. Bailey Prothero, you're the cause of all 
this, you and your confounded bank ! My 
trustees and my lawyers have been all through 
my affairs, and I tell you this, my friend, 
they called you everything except an honest 
man. 

Prothero. Did they ? Dear ! Dear ! 
Tommy. Do you know what I shall have 
to do ? I shall have to go and live in some 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 105 

cheap Continental hole on a hundred and fifty 
a year for the next seven or eight years. ( Very 
piteously.) What did you do it for, eh, Bailey? 

Prothero. It was part of my system. 

Tommy. To let me in ? 

Prothero. Certainly. 

Tommy. What for ? I don't see it ! Why 
not let somebody else in, and give me a 
chance of clearing out, eh ? 

Prothero. I must be allowed to work my 
system in my own way. 

Tommy. System ! What system ? 

Prothero {turning up the sleeve of his dress- 
coat slightly). You don't see anything up my 
sleeve ? 

Tommy. By Jove ! Bailey, what do you 
mean ? 

(Prothero winks at hifn very elaborately 
with both eyes, the?i goes away.) 

Tommy {following him up). You old devil, 
what are you up to now ? 

Prothero. Take a glass of champagne ! 

( Pouring it out. ) 

Tommy. I daren't — I've had two brandy 
and sodas — I'm off my feed, and champagne 
doesn't agree with me when I'm off my feed — 
it flies to my head. 

Prothero. Ah ! if you've got a weak place 
it's always getting in the way. Take this ! 



106 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Tommy {drinking). But I say, Bailey, this 
system of yours ? I don't quite tumble to it. 

Prothero. Don't you ? Sydenham is let 
in. I expect him here to-night. Reffell is 
let in — he'll be here, too. Lord Bicester is 
let in — I daresay he'll turn up. Lord John 
would have been let in, but he hadn't a 
ha'penny to lose! Still I think he'll very 
likely come. 

Tommy. Well ? Well ? (Prothero potirs 
him out another glass ; offers it.) I say — ought 
I ? Pve got such a buzzing in my head. 
{Drinking.) This system, dear old boy! Do 
you think it will work ? 

Prothero. It is working. Did 3'ou see 
all the blackguard articles in the evening 
papers ? 

Tommy. Yes. 

Prothero. Well, what did you think of 
them ? 

Tommy. Hot. 

Prothero. Rather ! 

{Rubs his hands gleefully and winks.) 

Tommy. You don't mean to say 

Prothero {nods). All part of the system. 

Tommy. No, no ! You don't say so ! By 
Jove, Bailey, it's stupendous ! 

{Stands looking at Prothero in stupid, 
half-tipsy amazement. Prothero taps 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 107 

his pockets as in second Act. Tommy 
does same. There is no jingle of coin 
in either of them. Prothero laughs 
as in second Act ; Tommy does same. 
They stand laughing in chorus, Pro- 
thero grimly and sardonically. ) 
Tommy (/« a sudden blaze of admiration^. 
Dear old Bailey! {^Collapses. '^ I've got such a 
buzzing — I should like to sit down some- 
where, all alone, and think over system. 

{Goes cautiously to sofa and sits.) 
Prothero (loohs off r., calls). Palmer! 

Enter Palmer and Footman through door r. 

Prothero. Send a messenger round to the 
Albany. Say that Sir Thomas has been taken 
ill, and ask his man to come and fetch him. 

Palmer. Yes, sir. I beg pardon 

(^Glancing at Tommy, who is reclining 
on sofa. ) 

Prothero. Well ? {^Coming down stage with 
Palmer.) 

Palmer {confidentially). We chucked the 
party out, sir, but as we was giving him a 
final kick, Mr. Lambert came up 

Prothero {concerned). Mr. Lambert? 

Palmer. Yes, sir. He noticed the party 
coming in as he went out and I suppose he 



108 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

waited outside for him. Anyhow he came up 
when he heard the row and entered into con- 
versation with him, and they've now gone off 
together. 

Prothero. Mr. Lambert and that black- 
guard ? 

Palmer. Yes, sir. He did try to get hold 
of him that afternoon at Mount Street, only I 
locked him in my pantry. 

Prothero. All right, Palmer. 

(^Exit Palmer.) 
(Prothero stands biting his thumb-nail. 
Lady Clarabut and Miss Prove 
appear in other room, which from this 
time gradually Jills with guests.^ 
Miss P. I really didn't expect to find any- 
body here. 

Lady C. Oh, well, as I've made a fortune 
out of the man, I felt I must put in an ap- 
pearance. 

Tommy {on sofa). Auntie ! 

(Lady Clarabut appears at archway. 

Tommy turns face away.) 

Prothero. Delighted to see you, Lady 

Clarabut. I congratulate you very heartily 

on having made such good use of the advice 

I gave you. 

Lady C. Yes, I trusted to your inner vi- 
sion as to the right time of buying. And I 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 109 

trusted to my own inner vision as to the right 
time of seUing. I'm really very much indebted 
to you. And, by the way — you'll forgive my 
speaking — I can't help hearing rumours — I 
hope they're not true. 

Prothero {taking a rose from the decorations^ 
fixing it in his button-hole). Rumours ? About 
me ? Rumours ? 

Lady C. Haven't you seen the evening 
papers ? 

Prothero. Really, I've been too busy. 
What do they say ? 

Lady C. Well, to put it plainly — you'll 
excuse me — they say you're in a mess. 

Prothero. Ah, those papers ! {Fixing his 
button-hole with great nonchalance.) They will 
know one's business. They say I'm in a 
mess ? They say I'm in a mess, do they ? 
Dear me ! What will they say next ? 

{Exit at archway. Lady Clarabut, as- 
tonished, watches him off, then sees 
Tommy on the sofa.) 

Lady C. Tommy — do you hear ? Tommy! 
(^Shaking him. Tommy turns round on sofa, with 
affectation of waking fro??i sleep. ) What are 
you doing here ? 

Tommy. Short nap, auntie — refresh my- 
self. Think over Bailey's system. 

Lady C. System ? 



110 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Tommy. Prothero has colossal system — 
make all our fortunes 

Lady C. Nonsense ! Nonsense ! There are 
some men in possession downstairs now. 

Tommy. Possibly that is part of system — 
I say, possibly. 

Lady C. Ugh, you silly boy ! How ? 

Tommy {^speaking very slowly and precisely'), 
I — cannot — go into particulars — because — 
understand me, dear auntie — I am off my feed 
— and when I am off my feed, I always feel 
that I should like some one to sponge my 
head with cold water, very cold water — the 
colder the better. 

Lady C. You wretched boy, what can I do 
with you ? 

Enter Palmer. 

Palmer. If you please, Sir Thomas, your 
man Peters has come for you. 

Tommy. Peters? What for? — 

Palmer. He says you are not well, and he 
has come 

Tommy {indignantly). He says that I am 
not well — (rises, very indignant). By what 
authority does Peters say that I — {sits down 
cautiously) am not well ? 

Lady C. Ask Peters to come up — at once. 

Tommy. No — tell Peters to wait for me. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 111 

I will discharge Peters. {Motions Palmer off. 
Exit Palmer.) 

Lady C. Do you hear — get up! Get up 
and go away from this house before any one 
sees you in this state. 

Tommy. State? {Rises with great dig^iity, 
mild voice.) Auntie, by what authority do 
you prescribe rules for my conduct at a 
moment — when I am off my feed? 

{Sits down.) 

Lady C. Because I'm a wise old woman, 
and you're a foolish young simpleton. Be- 
cause you are flinging away your health by 
fast living, and your money by gambling, 
and Pm determined to save what there is left 
of the wreck — little as there is of it, and 
little as it's worth saving. Come, get up. 

Tommy. No, auntie. You accuse me of 
gambling at a moment when — {grozvifig iftdig- 
nanf) — you are covered from head to foot 
with proceeds of gambling ! You accuse me ! 
How dare you accuse me ! 

Lady C. Because I have won and you 
have lost. Because I have invested my hard- 
earned winnings in railway bonds and consols 
for the benefit of my famil}^ Because now I 
have secured a snug little fortune, I don't 
intend to risk another farthing as long as I 
live. If that doesn't give me the right to 



112 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

preach against the evils of gambling I should 
like to know what does. 

Tommy {shakes his head^. Auntie, I will con- 
tent myself with simple remark that you are 
a downy old humbug, and whited sepulchre ! 
{Shakes his head at her sorrowfully.') Whited 
sepulchre ! Whited sepulchre ! 

Lady C. {goes to archway, calls off). Pal- 
mer ! (Palmer appears.) Is there a back 
staircase so that we can get him away with- 
out his being seen ? 

(Tommy rises indignantly.) 

Palmer. Yes, my lady — {Points off r. ) 

Tommy {with solemn i?idignatio7i). Back 
staircase? Back staircase! {Solemnly.) Pal- 
mer, are you any party to a back stair- 
case ? 

Palmer. No, Sir Thomas. 

Tommy. Is Peters any party to back stair- 
case ? 

Palmer. No, Sir Thomas. But don't you 
think as you aren't well you might as well 
toddle off — that way? 

(Tommy looks very indignantly at Palmer, 
motions him away.) 

Tommy. Tell Peters to wait for me at 
front door and prepare cold bath for back of 
my head. {Exit Palmer.) 

Tommy {glaring at Lady C). Back stair- 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 113 

case ! Back staircase ! Downy old humbug ! 

Whited sepulchre ! Back staircase ! 

(^He makes an exit at archway r., with 
great tipsy dignity, bows very politely 
to all the guests, is then seen to pass 
the other archway, bows politely, then 
finally pulling himself together with 
great dignity, he goes off l., Lady 
Clarabut watching. Lady Clara- 
BUT joins Guests.) 

Prothero enters at archway r., thoughtful, anx- 
ious ; stands a tnoment or two deliberating, as 
if arranging his plans. 

Enter l. archway, Lord John. Prothero' s 
features instantly change into a look of wel- 
come. 

Prothero {cordially). Ah, Lord John ? 

Lord John. One moment, my dear sir, will 
you oblige me by telling me whether the — 
dammy — game is over, or no? 

Prothero. Over ? On the contrary. Lord 
John, the game is just going to begin. 

Lord John. Oh ! {Still detaining him.) 
Then will you further tell me what your next 
move is ? 

Prothero. My next move ? hum ! My 



114 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

next move will be a very striking one, Lord 
John. 

Lord John. Oh ! do I stand in ? 

Prothero. Well, if you'd like to join 
me 

Lord John. I should ! Dammy ! I should ! 

Prothero. You do stand in. Lord John, 
you do ! 

Reffell and Pinniger have entered at 
archway. 

Prothero. Ah, here is our friend Reffell ! 
And Pinniger ! 

(^Advances to meet them very cordially. 
They have entered very slowly and 
stiffly J and in evident bad temper.^ 
Prothero. How do, Reffell ? Mrs. Reffell 
is with you, I hope ? 

Reffell {^stiffly and sulkily^. Mrs. Reffell is 
in the next room. But that is of no impor- 
tance. 

Prothero. Oh, don't say that ! Don't say 
that ! 

Enter Hubbock and Chester, both looking 
very grave. 

Prothero {gaily). Ah, Hubbock ! Ches- 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 115 

ter ! ( They shake hands reluctantly. ) You seem 
upset, Hubbock. 

HuBBOCK. I am upset. I have never in 
the whole course of my life been so much 
upset. 

Prothero. Family troubles? 

Hubbock {indignantly^. No, sir. 

The Marquis of Bicester is shown in at 
archway by Palmer. 

Lord B. (Jias a halfpenny evening paper in 
his hand'). I must see Mr. Prothero at once. 

Palmer. This way, my Lord. {Announces.') 
Lord Bicester. 

Lord B. I wish to speak to you, Mr. 
Prothero 

Prothero {glancing into other room). Draw 
the curtains. Palmer. 

(Palmer draws the curtai?ts over the 
archway and exit.) 

Prothero. My dear Lord Bicester, I knew 
that you would come. {Offers hand.) 

Lord B. {stiffly). Excuse me, Mr. Pro- 
thero, I have not. 

Prothero. Excuse me. Lord Bicester, you 
are here. 

Lord B. In one sense I am here. But in 
the sense of coming to a party, I am not here. 



116 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act iir 

(^Looking round to all. ) I wish that to be dis- 
tinctly understood. I have come at the earli- 
est moment to vindicate my character. Mr. 
Hubbock, Mr. Reffell, you will bear me wit- 
ness that I distinctly required from Mr. Pro- 
thero the most positive assurances that the — 
a — thing was all right. 

Hubbock. Certainly. 

Reffell. Yes, Lord Bicester, you did. 

Lord B. Now, I find that the thing is not 
all right. So far is it from being all right 
that I have lost fifteen thousand pounds. And 
what is much worse, I find myself attacked 
in the papers. 

Prothero. Do you consider that worse 
than losing fifteen thousand pounds, Lord 
Bicester ? 

Lord B. Don't you think, sir, that a 
man's public honour is worth more than fif- 
teen thousand pounds ? 

Prothero (^very coolly, back to fire). Well. 
I would not sell mine for that sum. Still, we 
must all allow there are occasions, eh? — when 
— a sum of fifteen thousand pounds — eh? 

Lord B. Read that. {^Giving him the paperS) 

Prothero. But this is a Radical paper. 
Is it worth while taking any notice of what 
Radical papers say. Lord Bicester ? 

Lord B. I regret to say that the abuse of 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 117 

myself is not confined to the organs of my 
political opponents. I read in a most respect- 
able Conservative journal some exceedingly 
severe comments which seemed to point 
towards myself — at least, so I took them. 
Please to read that ! 

Prothero {reading). ''When we find 
amongst this crew — " {looks round') this crew 

— ''a well-known hack company promoter 
whose every flotation is an act of organised 

brigandage " Hubbock, my boy, that 

seems to point towards you — at least, so I 
take it. 

Hubbock. I shall bring an action. 

Prothero. I would ! I would. {Continu- 
ing.) ''When we also find the worthless per- 
sonalities, attached to titles, of a foolish young 
man about town" — Where is our friend 
Tommy? Oh, he is taking a cold bath — "a 
foolish young man about town — and a dis- 
reputable old man about town " 

Lord John. That's me ! That's me ! 

Prothero {continuing). "Whose life is a 
perfect pattern of what every decent man 
should avoid" — Lord John, I should say that 
is distinctly libellous. 

Lord John. Yes — a — the greater the truth 

— dammy — the greater the libel. Perfect pat- 
tern — {whistle) — perfect pattern ! 



118 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Lord B. (^ste7'nly). Go on, sir, go on. 

Prothero. One moment, Lord Bicester — 
I won't leave you out in the cold. ''We are 
not surprised. But we do express our aston- 
ishment when we also find the name of a well- 
known member of the Stock Exchange. We 
ask whether that body has lost all sense of 
financial honour, or whether the self-respect- 
ing members of it will not instantly demand an 

inquiry into the conduct of " (^Breaks off.) 

Reffell, dear friend, that seems to point 
towards you — at least so I take it. 

Reffell. It's infamous. 

Prothero. It is. 

Lord B. Go on, sir ! Go on ! If you 
please {Sternly. ) 

Prothero. I'm coming to you. Lord Bices- 
ter. {Reads.) "And what shall we say when 
we also find in this disreputable company 
{looking round) the head of one of our oldest 
families " 

Lord B. Ah ! 

Prothero. "What idea can we gain, either 
of the intelligence " 

Lord B. Ah! 

Prothero. '' The patriotism " 

Lord B. Ah! 

Prothero. ''Or the honesty of our heredi- 
tary legislators." — You're right, Lord Bi- 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 119 

cester, that does seem to point to you — at 
least, so I take it. 

Lord B. And I was most particular in my 
inquiries that the — a — thing was all right! 

Prothero. You were. {Reading.^ ''But 
foolish, negligent, greedy, and incapable as all 
the members of this precious gang" — {looking 
round^ this precious gang — ''may have been 
in varying degrees, they seem to have been 
the mere puppets of this — of this" — the 
writer then goes on to make a few remarks 
which seem to point towards myself — at least, 
so I take it. 

Lord B. Well? 

Reffell. Well? 

HuBBocK. Well? 

Prothero. Well? 

{Gives the paper to Lord John, who takes 
it and reads.') 

Enter Sydenham, very angrily ; comes up to 
Prothero. 

Syd. Mr. Bailey Prothero ! 
Prothero. How d'ye do. {Offering hafid.) 
Syd. {angrily). No, sir. 

Prothero. Here's another gentleman who 
hasn't come to our party. 

Syd. I want an explanation from you. 



120 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Prothero. Here's another gentleman who 
wants an explanation. 

Syd. I noticed a very vulgar, over-dressed 
person following me all through my travels in 
the Cape and the Transvaal. 

Prothero. Indeed ! 

Syd. On my landing, yesterday, the man 
borrowed a five-pound note from me on the 
strength of the information that you set him 
to spy upon me. 

Prothero. Quite right. I did. 

Syd. You did? You own it? 

Prothero. Well, what's the use of deny- 
ing it? 

Syd. (very indignantly). May I ask you why 
you set that man to spy upon me ? 

Prothero. Because I thought it judicious, 
my dear Sydenham, to act upon the principle 
which you taught me in our transactions with 
our friend Reffell. 

Syd. The principle I taught you ? 

Prothero. Yes, the principle of invariably 
setting one honest man to look after another 
honest man. (^Murmurs of <■ <■ Oh ! Oh f) 

Lord B. Mr. Prothero, it is useless to pre- 
varicate any further 

Prothero. Prevaricate, Lord Bicester ! I 
don't intend to prevaricate, I assure you ! I 
intend to be quite plain with all of you. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 121 

Syd. I think it's time. Here we are with 
our money lost, our characters blown upon, our 
futures ruined 

Prothero. Quite true ! Quite true ! 

Syd. The whole press of the country calling 
us common swindlers and rogues ! 

Prothero. Quite true ! Quite true ! 

Syd. Well, sir, what have you to say ? 

Prothero. The first thing that strikes me, 
my dear Sydenham, is that we are all in the 
swim together. 

Syd. Well ? 

Prothero. That being so, I fancy you had 
better all of you try to keep me afloat, instead 
of trying to drown me. 

Syd. Drown you ! 

Prothero. Isn't that what you are all try- 
ing to do ? But understand me quite plainly, 
we all sink or swim together. I don't know 
exactly how we stand with regard to the law. 
Thank God, it's rather vague in company cases, 
and with care we may manage to wriggle out 
without a stain on our characters or our con- 
sciences. But it's doubtful. A good deal will 
depend upon our reputations. 

Lord B. I must insist upon some one vin- 
dicating my reputation. 

Prothero. Certainly, Lord Bicester ! I'll 
vindicate it myself. And you shall vindicate 



122 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act ill 

mine. We will all vindicate each other, and if 
any of you think that you're going to sink me 
and swim yourselves, I will beg you to correct 
that idea at once. You have stuck to me in the 
past, I will not desert you in the future. My 
arm is round all your necks, and if I go down, 
you all go down with me, I assure you. Is 
there any gentleman requires any further expla- 
nation? No? Then we will enjoy ourselves. 

Reff. But, Prothero — this is all very well, 
you know, but 

Prothero. Well ? 

Reff. We must offer some explanation to 
the public, and to our shareholders. 

Prothero. We will, my dear Reffell, we 
will. You call a general meeting, and I will 
offer a full explanation of everything to every- 
body. You leave the explaining business to me. 
And now I hope we shall settle down to a pleas- 
ant social evening. 

Mrs. Prothero cotnes in through the archway, 
half drawing aside curtai7is 

Mrs. p. Mr. Lambert is in the next room. 
He wishes to speak to you privately. 

Prothero. Ask Mr. Lambert to please 
wait. When I have finished with my friends 
I will attend to him. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 123 

Mrs. p. It's urgent — very urgent. 

George enters at archway. 

Prothero. Well? 

George. Mr. Prothero, I want a few words 
with you. 

Prothero. As many as you please, sir. 

George. Before these gentlemen ? 

Prothero. Why not ? 

George. You wish me to speak out ? 

Prothero. Yes ! yes ! 

George. Take care ! It's at your cost if I do. 

Prothero. No, sir ! It's at your cost if 
you do. Speak out ! 

Mrs. p. No. You will see Mr. Lambert 
alone — if you please — {to Hubbock and the 
others J getting them off ^. (71? Prothero.) Yes, 
dear 

Prothero. Gentlemen, I'll join you in a 
few minutes. Lord John, you'll find some 
excellent cigars in the smoking-room. Lord 
Bicester, you won't be going ? 

Lord B. Well, if I could be quite sure 

that my character 

{Exeunt all the men except Prothero 
and George. Mrs. Prothero goes 
off last, looks at the two men, and 
draws the curtains on them.) 



124 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Prothero. Now, sir. 

George. Now, Mr. George Jackman 

Prothero. Jackman ! 

George. That is your name. I told you 
I should continue my inquiries till I did learn 
who and what you were. I found reason to 
connect you with a party of long-firm swin- 
dlers, but you were so slippery that I couldn't 
tell which of those gentlemen you were. To- 
night I took a friend of yours to my rooms, 
and with the help of a sovereign, two glasses 
of whiskey, and a few leading questions, I 
managed to identify him as Robert Gushing, 
and you as George Jackman. 

Mrs. Prothero enters, comes down to them 
arixiously. 

George. I also learned from Gushing — 
that — {turns to her) forgive me for saying 
it — that you have been this man's wife and 
accomplice for man}^ years. 

Mrs. P. You know — that I — {shows great 
shame). Oh ! {Turfis away. A pause.) 

Prothero. What else do you know ? 

George. I don't want to know any more. 
For her sake, if you care for her, don't force 
me to go any further. Pm not obliged to 
pursue my inquiries. Pm not obliged to learn 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 125 

whether you have any debt to pay to your 
country. 

Prothero. Well, then, why the devil don't 
you leave us alone, and go your own way ? 

George. Because I must satisfy myself 
about my birth and my people. I believe you 
can tell me. 

Prothero. I can ! 

George. Answer me a few questions truth- 
fully, and I promise you I'll let the whole 
matter drop so far as you and she are con- 
cerned. 

Lady Clarabut eiiiers at archway. 

Lady C. Oh, I beg pardon. You are en- 
gaged. 

George. No — no — at least — Is Sir Will- 
iam there ? 

Lady C. Yes. 

George. I think you have both a right to 
be here. Will you ask him to come this 
way ? 

(Lady Clarabut beckons at archway.^ 

George. For your wife's sake — I want to 
spare her 

Prothero. You don't want to spare me ? 

George. Why should I ? You are nothing 
to me. 



126 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY ACT ill 

Enter Sir William, comes down stage with 
Lady Clarabut. 

George. Sir William — Lady Clarabut, if 
you give me your daughter, I wish you to be 
sure that nothing will arise in the future to 
make you regret it. If there is anything to be 
known, I'd rather you knew it at once. 

Lady C. You're a dear good fellow. I'm 
sure you love Nina too much to wish us to sac- 
rifice her. 

George. Yes, yes — but (71? Prothe- 

RO.) Now, will you answer my questions ? 

Prothero. Yes ! 

Mrs. p. (^aside). George ! You won't — 
you won't 

Prothero {aside). Leave me alone. Leave 
me alone. {To George.) Go on, sir. 

George. My father ? Who was he ? 

Prothero. Your father ? {Mute appeal 
from Mrs. Prothero.) Your father? Well, 
he was a very old friend of mine 

George. In your line of 

Prothero. Of business? Well — he was a 
dear good fellow ! 

George. Where is he ? 

Prothero. Dead. 

George. Dead ? 

Prothero. Yes, died on a voyage to 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 127 

Australia. Poor Jack Burton ! I was very 
much attached to him. That's the reason I 
took so much interest in you. I went to 
Gravesend to see him off — I can see him on 
the landing-stage. When we shook hands for 
the last time he gave me this ring — (^point- 
ing to ring on tvatch- chain). I've worn it ever 
since. 

George. My mother? 

Prothero. Oh, she had been dead a good 
many years before that. I never knew her. A 
very good woman I believe — much too good for 
him. You needn't be ashamed of her memory. 
She had nothing to do with our — profession. 

George. My father — was there anything 
against him ? 

Prothero. Well — there were a few things. 
But he was a dear good fellow — why rake them 
up ? Why not let them rest with him at the 
bottom of the ocean ? Poor Jack ! — one of the 
best and honestest fellows that ever breathed. 

George. Honest ! 

Prothero. According to his lights. 

Lady C. But are you sure, Mr. Prothero, 
that this Burton left no trace, nothing that 
could be used against Mr. Lambert in his future 
career ? 

Prothero. Quite. The man's dead. 
There's an end of him. 



128 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

George. Lady Clarabut — Sir William, are 
you satisfied ? 

Sir W. Quite, eh, Margaret ? 

Lady C. Quite. So very kind and consid- 
erate of such a father to die. 

Prothero. It was very obliging of him, 
wasn't it ? 

George. Thank you, Mr. — Prothero. I'll 
keep my word to you. But if I may advise 
you, I have Mr. Gushing in my rooms, he is 
safely locked there for the present with a bottle 
of whiskey. In kindness to you I'll keep him 
there for the night. 

Prothero. Why ? 

George. From some hints that he dropped 
over his whiskey I think 3^ou will be well ad- 
vised to leave the country before he gets loose. 

Prothero. Leave the country ! 

Mrs. p. Yes, George ; yes, it will be best. 
I'm sure ; yes, dear. 

George. You'll be able to catch the mid- 
night mail to Liverpool ; and the White Star 
boat sails to-morrow. 

Prothero. Midnight mail ? But my guests? 
If I go, what is to become of them ? Will you 
be kind enough to entertain them ? 

Lady C. Well We won't mention 

your departure. 

Prothero (goes up to curtain, calls'). Palmer. 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 129 

Palmer {enters). Yes, sir. 

(Prothero whispers instructions to 
Palmer.) 
Palmer. Yes, sir. {Exit.) 

George. Mrs. Prothero, you intend to share 
your husband's fortunes ? 
Mrs. p. Oh, yes. 

George. I can be of no further service 
to you ? 

Mrs. p. No, thank you, none. 
Prothero. Your cloak's in there, Liz. 
Mrs. p. Yes. {He gives her a sign.) 

{Exit Mrs. Prothero, r.) 
Prothero. I rely on you to entertain 
my guests. Lady Clarabut, after my depar- 
ture. 

Lady C. Oh, certainly ; and as I am very 
much indebted to you, remember I shall be glad 
if I can be of any service to you — on the other 
side of the world. 

Prothero. Thank you. {To George.) 
Your father wasn't a bad sort of a fellow — 
you'd like his ring ? 

George. Yes, I should. 

(Prothero gives ring.) 
Prothero. You'll shake hands with his old 
friend ? 

(George draws back. Prothero shows 
pain. ) 



130 THE ROGUE'S COMEDY act hi 

Re-enter Mrs. Prothero, cloaked over her 
evening dress. 

Mrs. p. I'm ready, George. 

Re-enter Palmer with Prothero' s hat 
and coat. 

Palmer {helping on'). The hansom's wait- 
ing, sir. 

Prothero. At the back door ? 

Palmer. Yes, sir. Everything is ready. 

Prothero. Thank you, Palmer. 

{Exit Palmer.) 

Enter Nina through curtains. 

Nina. Mamma — what is it? What's the 
matter ? 

Lady C. Matter? Nothing, my dear — 
except that we've given our consent to your 
marriage with Mr. Lambert. 

Prothero. Good-bye, Sir William. Good- 
bye, Lady Clarabut. {Holds out hand to 
George.) You'll shake hands with an old 
friend of your father's ? What does it mat- 
ter — you'll never see me again! 

(George shakes hands. Prothero shakes 
hands cordially. ) 



ACT III THE ROGUE'S COMEDY 131 

Prothero. God bless you ! (Mrs. Pro- 
THERO breaks down. Prothero goes to her.") 
Buck up, old girl ! Buck up ! 

{Exeunt Prothero and Mrs. Prothero. 
George gives his arm to Nina. Cur- 
tains are drawn asunder, discover re- 
ception in full swing. Guests enter 
and talk. Buzz, buzz, buzz of conver- 
sation. Band strikes up a lively tune. ) 

Curtain. 



JAN 3 1901 



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